


More Things in Heaven and Earth

by cjmarlowe



Category: Kris Allen (Musician)
Genre: Divorce, M/M, cale mills do not read this, excessive blowjobs per capita, tourfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-21
Updated: 2010-05-21
Packaged: 2017-11-13 01:17:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 34,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/497799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cjmarlowe/pseuds/cjmarlowe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Kris and Cale discover there is more to them than they ever imagined, and there is a lot of sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Things in Heaven and Earth

When Cale didn't make it past the first round at the American Idol auditions, he figured that was as much as American Idol was going to change his life. It was a great road trip with a great friend (and a great friend's brother), and it made for a good story to tell when they got back, but it was nothing a hundred thousand other people didn't experience every year. 

This wasn't really about him anyway. Sure he gave it an honest shot but he was really there for Kris, so it was pretty awesome when Kris did make it through. And Daniel too, sure, but mostly Kris. 

Cale believed in him all the way. He believed in him through the rest of the rounds, through the judges' audition, though a crazy week in Hollywood (and through a wedding, too, but that was a lot more of a sure thing). But it was still a bit of a surprise when Kris got past every one of those milestones and suddenly he was set to perform in the semifinals.

And that, Cale figured, was as far as it was going to go. For him, of course, not for Kris. Obviously. Because American Idol didn't really stop affecting his life as long as Kris was still going, but now he had a good friend—a _best_ friend—competing on national television, and sure it wasn't _his_ accomplishment, but Cale would always have that. 

(Not that he would do anything like try to impress people with it. Much. Just once in a while, if he was running out of cute anecdotes. And Cale rarely ran out of cute anecdotes. He didn't need to rely on his friend's accomplishments to supplement his own, and besides, most of the people he'd be trying to impress were also friends of Kris's anyway.)

He always knew Kris _could_ win, he just didn't know if he _would_. It was almost completely out of their hands, and all Kris could do was go up there week after week and do his thing. All _Cale_ could do was be a source of (hopefully) good advice and moral support. That, and vote. But Kris's thing was an awesome thing, and every time someone said it was over for him, said he'd gone as far as he could go in the competition, Kris pulled off something amazing and kept going right to the finish line.

Now winning, winning _had_ to be the pinnacle. Cale's best friend _won_ American Idol, and that was going to be cool forever. Cale was stupidly happy for him, and couldn't think of a better person for it to happen to.

Kris's journey was just beginning, but that was the extent of how American Idol was going to change Cale's life.

That, of course, was when Kris asked Cale to audition for his band. When Cale made it _into_ Kris's band. (Kris said it was a foregone conclusion but Cale was the one who saw the dubious looks on those faces so he played for his life in those auditions.)

It was only then Cale understood that those little things he _thought_ had changed his life before, in their small ways? They didn't mean anything at all. Those things changed _Kris's_ life. But this now was something _Cale_ was doing, doing with Kris, and it was going to change everything.

:::

"All right, let's try that one again, from the top," said Kris, hand wrapped around his mike and bobbing his head and looking like the rock star he'd never quite been before. He was still _Kris_ , but he'd grown and changed so much over the past year or so, in ways that just make him _more_ Kris but still notable to someone who knew him like Cale did.

"I'm good to go," said Cale. "Do you want to speed it up?"

Kris just shook his head without looking up. "I just want to get it down first," he said. "I just want to get in sync with everyone."

Everyone was Cale and these three guys he'd just met, more or less. Well he'd met them individually during the audition process, but met for real when they all came together as Kris's band. His band for now, anyway, but even if the other guys saw it as a temporary gig, Cale wasn't going anywhere. They started as strangers, but with Kris as their front man Cale didn't think they could stay that way for long. That just wasn't how Kris worked.

Cale was the one of them who'd already known Kris for years, so Cale was the one could see in the set of Kris's shoulders that he was tired and stressed. He was the one who could tell that Kris was pushing hard and paying for it. So he was the one who made an impulsive call, and while Kris wasn't looking he turned back to the other guys and signaled for them all to up the tempo. A lot.

Kris try to keep up at first, but after about fifteen seconds his tongue got so tangled that he just bent over and cracked right up.

"You," he said, pointing his finger at Cale when he straightened up again. "This is your doing."

Cale raised his hands innocently, but denied nothing.

"Break time," decided Torres, and he and Andrew were setting their instruments down before Kris even agreed. So yeah, maybe they'd started as strangers, but already they were more than that.

"Jerk," laughed Kris, seeking out a bottle of water then tossing one to Cale too. Or _at_ him, depending on your perspective.

"Hey, I was just doing what needed to be done," insisted Cale, draining about half in one long gulp. "Almost ready to call it a night?"

"Just a little longer," said Kris. "They haven't kicked us out yet, right?"

"I figured you'd want to get home," said Cale. "It's getting late."

"Is that a hint that you want to get home?" said Kris, wiping his mouth with his wrist. "Just a little bit longer. Tomorrow we can spend a bunch of time on just you and me. Or actually, we can do that tonight when we get home."

"You know, I can sleep somewhere else," said Cale. Which wasn't an attempt to get out of rehearsal, or even a signal he didn't want to be there. But it was Kris and Katy's place, and the last thing Cale wanted to do was wear out his welcome. "I don't need to crash on your couch all the time."

"Our couch is your couch," insisted Kris. "Makes it easier for us to rehearse together without making the other guys wait around."

Cale knew that was important, knew that they had a couple of acoustic shows that were going to be just him and Kris—maybe more than a couple—but Kris was working hard. Kris had been working hard for a long time, to the exclusion of other things. And even if he selfishly liked this time he was getting with him, Cale didn't want to see him burn himself out.

"Just don't forget to have some fun, too," said Cale. "Especially while we're here in LA. We won't always be."

"I know that," said Kris. "It's been that way for a long time. You don't need to worry about me."

"I don't need to," said Cale, "I just do. That's what friends do."

Kris didn't actually answer, but he gave him a crooked little smile and a half-hug before heading off to the can while he could, and Cale figured the rehearsal was going to go on at least a little longer before Kris was ready to call it a night.

:::

Cale had a musical identity outside of Kris Allen—he'd been playing for a lot longer than he'd even known Kris—but it was different working with Kris. Different from playing alone and different from playing with anyone else either. It wasn't just the kind of audiences Kris drew as the reigning American Idol. When they were playing little shows for select groups of radio contest winners, the audiences weren't even necessarily that much bigger. But there was just a different energy with Kris, no matter what the size (or fanaticism) of the audience. 

Those times they weren't playing with the whole band, that energy seemed all the more noticeable. To Cale, anyway; he didn't know if Kris even felt it at all. It was a little bit like when Kris and Cale had been playing together before Idol ever happened, but somehow _more_. Like the connection between them was amplified by Kris's success. Or something else. 

Back at the hotel after a show, too tired to do anything but too wired to sleep, Cale's body was usually spent but his brain would be going too fast to shut up.

"That was amazing, right?" he said. "I thought I could go all night."

"You can barely stand up," said Kris, leaning back on his hands on the bed and grinning at him. "All night, my behind."

"When we were up there, I could've," said Cale. "Right? You know what I'm saying, right?"

"I know what you're saying," said Kris, and Cale could tell that he did get it, but he was Kris Allen and even though he was kind of famous now and his life was kind of crazy, he still had the uncanny ability to be calm no matter what the circumstances. Maybe now more than ever.

"I would ask how you do it," said Cale, gesturing at him like that would complete his thought, "but you're Kris Allen. You can do anything."

"Shut up," demurred Kris, legs dangling off the end of the bed, kicking up the bed skirt every once in a while. "You know that's not true."

"Save a bunch of orphans from a burning building? Piece of cake. Swim the Atlantic? Just find me my swim trunks. Fly to the moon? No problem, I'm Kris Allen!"

"Quit it," said Kris, but he was cracking up this time. "I don't know. I guess you just get used to it. Compared to this summer, this is nothing. This summer was crazy. I know I tried to tell you, but do you get it now? I didn't know what it was like to have no time to myself until then."

"Yeah, I get it now," said Cale. "That's why I was asking."

"You okay with it?" said Kris. "You're not going nuts, are you?"

"No, I like it," said Cale. "It feels good. But I'm not you. It's got to be more intense for you."

"Not anymore," said Kris. "I think the show was more intense, even though we didn't travel nearly as much. I mean, it's intense now, but it's intense in a good way. Now it's just what I want to do. I wanted this."

"Yeah, you just didn't know what 'this' is, right?"

Kris chuckled and said, "I do now," and tucked his feet up on the end of the bed with him. "And we get this, you know? You and me here right now. It's not all crazy."

Kris's feet were bare, and that was a probably a weird thing to notice because Cale and Kris had gone to college together and Cale had seen him in all states of undress, but Kris was barefoot right now and for whatever reason, Cale noticed.

For whatever reason, it made this moment feel more intimate. It made everything between them feel more intimate.

Cale's toed off his socks and looked at his toes as he sat down in the chair by the window, and pulled his knees up to his chest as he put his heels up on the chair.

"You sure you're okay?"

"I'm great," said Cale. "I'm just thinking. But no, I'm great. This is all great. And I'm glad I'm doing it with you."

"I'm glad you're doing it with me too," said Kris. "It wouldn't be the same without you."

:::

Cale was the first person Kris told, even before his parents. Not that Cale thought Kris was eager to run to his parents with the news, but Cale had always been Kris's music friend, and his college friend. Now he was his everything friend.

"So how does that work, then?" he said, sitting hip to hip with Kris on the back stairs of the venue, around the corner from the door everyone was supposed to be using. He almost felt like they should be smoking for this. "Or is it too soon to ask?"

"I'm not sure, exactly," said Kris. "It's not like I've ever done this before. I guess I need a lawyer?"

Cale ached a little when he heard him say that, but Kris just seemed to be taking it all pretty calmly. And maybe he'd known for a while. "Or you guys could try to work things out. You could probably change the schedule a little."

But even before he finished suggesting it, Kris was already shaking his head. Cale thought they would at least try. They were Kris and Katy, after all. They'd always been Kris and Katy, as long as Cale had known him. He'd kind of thought they always would be.

"I mean, we already did," said Kris. "Try, I mean. We've been talking to someone for a while already, except all I think it did is convince Katy that it wasn't going to work."

"And you?" said Cale. "I mean, you get a say in it too, right?" Not that he thought Kris would stay with someone who didn't want him, Kris had too much self-respect for that, but it couldn't be that simple.

"I think I was convinced before we started," Kris admitted. "We waited until we were absolutely sure before she filed, though. We exhausted our other options. It was time." He patted his pockets, and Cale realized he wasn't the only one wishing they had a smoke for this. But there was nothing to be found, and Kris just sighed. "Anyway, I figured you should know."

It wasn't really a guy thing, to ask about his feelings, but Cale did anyway because he was the first person Kris told and he figured that meant something. "You figured I should know, or you wanted to talk about it?"

Kris just shrugged and turned his head to look at him. "I thought I wanted to talk," he said, "but it turns out there's not much to talk about it. I think maybe I just wanted to _say_ it to someone, so now it's real. I'm twenty-four and I'm getting a divorce. Probably by the end of the year."

"It's not like..." Cale started, but he wasn't sure if it was what Kris needed to hear. Then again, maybe it was. "It's not like a failure. People change. They break up. It happens."

"Yeah, I know," said Kris, "but I can't help thinking about the people who thought maybe we were too young to get married to begin with and wondering if they were right all along. But it felt so right at the time. It felt like what we should be doing."

"Who says it wasn't right at the time?" he said. "Just because it's not right now doesn't mean it wasn't right then."

"Except it's supposed to be till death do us part," said Kris. "We definitely didn't live up to that expectation."

"Well, maybe next time," said Cale, and Kris just stared at him. "Too soon?"

Finally, finally, Kris cracked a smile. "Maybe a little," he said. "She's still my Katy anyway. She just won't be my wife Katy anymore. And I think that's okay. I just need to get used to the idea."

"I feel like _I_ need to get used to the idea more than you do," Cale said, but that made Kris smile a little too. "I didn't even notice anything."

"Well, you know all those times you stayed over at our place in LA and me and Katy kept you up with noise from the bedroom?"

"Actually, I slept like a baby on that couch," said Cale.

"Yeah, exactly," said Kris, his point suddenly crystal—and uncomfortably—clear.

"Oh," said Cale, understanding a little better now just how much of a surprise this all wasn't, to Kris. "You want me to be around when you call your parents?"

"Nah, it's okay," said Kris. "A beer afterwards might be nice, though. Or, you know, whatever."

Cale knew exactly what whatever meant, and hoped that Torres was holding because he was tapped and from the looks of it, Kris was too.

"Sure, whatever," he said. "You ready to go back inside?"

"Yeah, someone's going to freak out soon," said Kris, grabbing hold of the railing and pressing his hand down on Cale's knee to stand himself up. "Just don't tell anyone till I do?"

"Of course," said Cale. "And anything you need, you know where to find me."

"I always have," said Kris. "I count on it."

:::

Cale's girlfriend was also named Katy, which made for some interesting conversations early on when Kris and Cale were talking to people who didn't know that. And okay, maybe they couldn't resist occasionally playing that up just to see the looks on people's faces when Cale talked about taking Katy out for a romantic dinner or lying with his arms around Katy. But the thing with their parallel relationships sometimes went a little bit too far.

After joining Kris's band, Cale didn't get to see as much of his girlfriend anymore. And for a while that was fine, they made it work, they had holidays and vacations and a lot of little moments together, but eventually it became clear that God was taking them in different directions. It wasn't an easy thing to admit, but with Katy coming close to finishing school and starting her career, and Cale traveling constantly to pursue his own, it was something they eventually had to sit down and come to terms with.

He wasn't going to stop loving her, but sometimes these things were meant to inhabit a part of your life and you learned from them and you grew from them and then you took that with you when you moved on.

And suddenly, somehow, he and Kris were both on their way to becoming single men.

"Sorry, man," said Kris, giving Cale a sincere and heartfelt pat on the shoulder, then pulling him into a hug. And Kris's hugs, they really did go a long way to making everything better. "Do you want to get out of here? Get your mind off things?"

Cale thought about it for a second, but even just going out for coffee meant hanging out with other people, possibly loud people, and Cale just wasn't into that tonight.

"Maybe another time," he said. "I think I'm just going to go up to my room tonight."

"We could smoke," said Kris. "Not up in your room, but there's a fire escape at the end of the hall."

That would mean just him and Kris, and that kind of company Cale could handle. Actually, it would probably be better than being alone. 

"Sure, yeah," he said. "But if Lizzie busts us again, you tied me up and forced me."

"I could bring rope, to make it more convincing," said Kris. "Actually, I don't have rope. Maybe pantyhose."

"You have pantyhose?" said Cale. "Do I want to know?"

"They were shoved in the side pocket of my luggage," said Kris with a carefree shrug. "I guess they were Katy's? Probably. If they weren't Katy's, then I kind of don't want to know how they got into my luggage."

"Kris?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tie me up with a stranger's pantyhose."

"You know what's really funny?" said Kris, stabbing the elevator button with his index finger. "That's not even the strangest thing you've ever said to me. It's not even the strangest thing you've ever said to me when we weren't high."

"I think it was a completely sensible request," said Cale. "Besides, would it really be better for Lizzie to bust us smoking up with pantyhose on hand?"

"Fair point," said Kris. "Ties it is."

Their rooms were on the second-to-top floor, adjacent, and okay, Cale did occasionally dream of a day when they were famous enough to have a penthouse suite, but mostly he was still just really jazzed that they got to travel around the country and play music and make a living doing it.

Except when said travelling around ended his relationship. For just a moment, he'd managed to forget.

He hung around Kris's door while Kris shoved a few things in his pockets, then they did head to the end of the hall and then out the unrigged door onto the fire escape. (Because accidentally setting off the fire alarm while attempting to get high would go over even worse than any of the other scenarios they'd gone through.)

Kris sat down and dangled his feet between the bars, and Cale just sat cross-legged next to him as they passed the joint between them. Probably just the one, maybe two, because they just wanted to relax, not get trashed.

"Remember when we used to do this at school?" he said. "It was just like this, only not quite so high up."

"Everything's different now," said Kris. And those differences were all the clearer when just one thing was the same. "I used to dream of this, though."

"I used to dream of this too," said Cale. "Well, sort of. I wasn't part of a backing band in my dreams."

"You're not, though," said Kris. "I mean, you are, because that's your job. But you're more than that too. You know that, right? That you're more?"

"I think we're all more, to you."

"But we're talking about you," said Kris. "You're not an _employee_." And he said it like it was a dirty word. "We don't just play together, we create things together. We write together."

Kris was writing some with Andrew, too, but Cale had a feeling that Andrew was a little different too. Not in the way that someone who'd been a friend for years was, but different. They were all special in different ways. Kris could apparently just not be the solo artist who picked up a new backing band on every tour. Being in the Kris Allen Band meant something to him.

They weren't just interchangeable.

"Here," said Cale, passing over the last of the joint, practically just embers now. "That was good stuff."

"Only the best for my guys," said Kris, finally just pinching the end off and dropping it back in his shirt pocket before exhaling. "So you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm all right," said Cale. "Just not all sociable tonight. I don't really want to have to smile."

"Not even for me?"

"Well, I'll always smile for you," said Cale, though he didn't, not right then. He was saving it for when it mattered, since he didn't know how many he had in him. "I can't really blame her. She wasn't really getting much out of this."

"Still," said Kris. "You're pretty awesome, even when you only get a little bit of you."

"I'm glad she's not putting up with it, though," said Cale. "She deserves a relationship that makes her happy."

"Well, doesn't everyone?" said Kris, and Cale guessed that these days Kris knew all about that. He didn't talk about it very much, even with Cale, but his separation from Katy hung in the air a lot of the time. "It's all just a matter of what makes you happy."

"Having an absentee boyfriend didn't make her happy," said Cale. "And _being_ an absentee boyfriend didn't really make me happy either, so I figure it was supposed to happen this way. She's still amazing, though."

"You're going to have to date a groupie," said Kris. "Someone who'll trail around after you from city to city. Or Andrew. You could date Andrew. He's _already_ here all the time."

"I'm not going to date Andrew," said Cale, and that one actually earned the smile. 

"Why not?" said Kris. "Andrew's a great guy."

"He's a little too tall for me," said Cale, grinning up at the sky. "It would just be weird, not having to lean down."

Kris just laughed and kicked his legs out a little. "Not something I've ever had to worry about," he said. "Wouldn't it be nice not to always have to stoop, though?"

"Nope," said Cale. "I like the stooping. It makes me feel all manly."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't just insult my manhood," said Kris. 

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Cale. "You're the manliest man I know, even if I can stoop to you."

"And don't you forget it," said Kris, and in the end he did dig another joint out of his magical pocket. It was just the thing the night needed.

:::

One of the best things about the band—not just Kris, but the whole band—was how well all of them got along. When Ryland couldn't do some of the dates with them Cale got a little worried, wondered if this was going to begin a cycle of rotating band members that kept them from becoming a really tight unit, but it didn't turn out that way. When they were together they weren't just a bunch of musicians thrown together for a little while, they really were a band.

Cale felt totally comfortable saying these guys were his friends, all of them, and Cale didn't actually call just anybody his friend.

"Are you finished with that?"

Cale looked down at the rag in his hand and tossed it over. "Kris has grubby fingers," he said, and grinned, even though Kris hadn't been handling his guitar at all. And almost never had grubby fingers, particularly when messing around with their instruments.

"Yeah, that's my excuse, too," said Andrew, wiping a fingerprint off his guitar. Or maybe just making a show of buffing it for something to do while they waited for the rest of the guys to get back. "When you're not around, I blame you."

"Like I'd ever mess with your stuff," said Cale. "You're a scary guy. Like one of those baby kittens who pounces on you when you least expect it."

"I think you just described Kris accidentally," said Andrew. "I don't pounce."

"Just because you haven't pounced yet doesn't mean you never will," said Cale. "That's the scary part."

"You have no idea what the scary part of me is yet," muttered Andrew and tossed the rag back, but Cale got the feeling he wasn't actually annoyed. This was just how he _was_ with the people he liked. "But it's definitely not attack kittenish."

"What do you think Kris would do if we started calling him Attack Kitten?"

"He'll probably like it more than hug puppy," said Andrew. "He hates hug puppy."

"Only because his brother has started using it," said Cale. "If his brother uses it, it automatically becomes uncool."

"Hug puppy was never cool," admitted Andrew, and finally Cale got a smile out of him. He and Kris actually kept a tally, of how often they got a smile out of Andrew. Cale was going to have to put another tick in his column later, even though he'd have to defend it because Kris wasn't around to witness it.

"It was cool when I said it," said Cale.

"No, not even then."

"Well, okay, Kris liked it more when I said it," said Cale.

"Now that," said Andrew, with a strange and unreadable little smile, "I would have to agree with. Now what the hell's taking them so long?"

"They stopped so that Kris can pee," said Cale. Andrew just looked at him. "What? It's true. You'll learn, man. You always have to factor in a few extra minutes for it."

"Well, I guess you'd know," said Andrew, and it was true. Cale would. 

:::

After the shows, when they'd been going all out for hours, when they were running on too little sleep and too much caffeine, everyone got to that punchy point where they were laughing at just about every word out of everyone's mouth. It didn't matter if it was funny or not.

Torres was packing up and Ryland was on the phone and Andrew was...heck, Cale didn't even know where Andrew was now, he just knew that he just said something about peeing in a can and Kris bent over laughing and then he grabbed hold of Cale's sleeve to hold himself upright. Kris, who never hesitated to touch, grab or hold anyone if they—or he—needed it. Cale was long since used to that but still, when Kris looked up at him with that wide smile, holding on tight, Cale felt special. He felt like he was the most important person in the whole world in that moment.

He wondered if other people felt like that when Kris looked at them.

He wasn't even thinking. There was no one else paying attention anymore and Kris was looking at him like that, so close, lips parted, and Cale just started leaning in. He wasn't thinking at all.

When his brain did kick in, thankfully before he did anything stupid, it was obvious to both of them what he was about to do. He cleared his throat and leaned back again, and Kris let go of his shirt.

"I should go change," he said. "I probably stink."

"You totally do," said Kris, "unlike me, who smells like roses."

"In your dreams," said Cale, but he ventured a tiny smile and got one in return. He didn't even care whether Kris was dripping sweat, hadn't even noticed. It was _Kris_ , and somehow in any state at all these days, and maybe ever, Kris was just magnetic.

"That's what Katy always told me, though," said Kris. "Are you telling me she was lying all this time?"

Normally Cale would have tread more carefully around the subject of Katy, but Kris _had_ brought it up, and Cale latched onto it as a reminder that even if that hadn't been a crazy impulsive motion to begin with, it was still inappropriate timing. For both of them.

"How's she doing?" he asked. "Kate used to keep me updated, but...." He felt a little weird asking his ex-girlfriend about Kris's to-be-ex-wife.

"She's good," said Kris. "We talked yesterday. I guess we're having a face-to-face with our lawyers when we're back in LA."

"Well, that should be...." He didn't even know how to finish that sentence.

"Yeah," said Kris. "But I think we both just want to get this done now so it can stop being all we're about. I hate that it takes forever."

"It takes forever so that you have a chance to get back together before you do something irrevocable," said Cale.

"That's not going to happen now," said Kris quietly. "Anyway, you really do need to change."

"Right," said Cale. "I'll just, we'll just, meet you after?"

"Right, sure," said Kris, finally moving towards the door. "See you in a few."

It was only when he was leaving that Cale replayed the moment in his mind, the way he would later replay it many, many times. And he realized that he hadn't been the only one moving in. Kris had been moving too.

They both really needed to get some sleep.

:::

It was a group dinner, with everyone, and when Cale said everyone he meant everyone. The whole band, the whole entourage (ha, he had an entourage, even though technically the entourage was Kris's; he just liked to pretend it belonged to the whole band) and a couple of people that worked at the venue. Cale actually liked fine dining and fancy dinners, and no, he did not mean Applebee's when he said that, but this was nice too. A small neighborhood restaurant that they took over probably a quarter of just by themselves, and Italian food served family style.

"Here, have some salad," said Kris, serving it onto his plate before Cale could even venture an opinion.

"We aren't at your dinner table," he laughed. "You aren't the boss of me."

"So Kris serves your plate when you eat dinner at his place?" said Andrew. "Nice. My mother doesn't even do that for me."

"Shut up, he needs his greens," said Kris, putting a little bit more on. Spitefully, Cale thought. "Do you want to be next?"

"What I need," said Cale, "is more spaghetti and meatballs. There's more, right?"

"There's way more," said Andrew. "Or at least there was, but I left it in front of Torres so it might be gone by now."

"Dick," said Torres, shoving the nearest bowl in their direction. But he did it with a smile on his face, just like he did everything.

Kris reached for the bowl, and Cale realized he was about to serve that too. "Oh, I have to draw a line," he said. "There is a line being drawn."

"Just keep telling yourself that," said Kris, and put a heaping helping of spaghetti next to Cale's salad. And really, what was there to do but laugh? Especially when Kris knocked his knee against Cale's under the table. Cale bumped him back, and so they went back and forth until Ryland was telling a story about this bar he went to with his brother in Amsterdam and Andrew had reclaimed the spaghetti bowl and Cale and Kris kind of ended up with their knees pressed up against one another under the table.

Kris never did have any real sense of personal space, and it was nice to have someone to feel close to right now. It was nice to have someone to be comfortable with, when everything else was loud and fast and new. For probably the hundredth, maybe the thousandth, time, Cale was glad they were doing this whole music thing together.

It just wouldn't have been the same otherwise.

:::

It was a great show, but then most shows felt like they were great shows, even the ones they played when they were bone-tired and hoarse and could barely get their fingers to work. It was a great show and Cale felt great afterwards, he just needed a moment away from the chaos of it all to let the greatness sink in. He closed his eyes and pressed his back against the wall and ran his fingers through his sweaty hair.

The door slammed and it seemed painfully loud to Cale even though it was nothing compared to all of the other noises on the other side of it, the shouting and the banging around, the chairs scraping and the stage being cleared. But that was all outside the door. On this side of the door, everything was quiet.

"Hey," said Kris, and Cale opened his eyes and looked and didn't even have a chance to answer before Kris was dropping to his knees.

No, that wasn't entirely true. Cale had a lot of chance to answer, even opened his mouth a little, but once he saw what Kris was doing he never bothered to form words.

Kris had Cale's belt open in moments, was yanking his shorts down moments later, and then his mouth was sliding around the head of Cale's cock like they did this every day. Like they'd _ever_ done it before this moment, or even talked about doing it. He closed his eyes and let it slide further inside and Cale had to choke back a moan, because if he'd been mostly hard before this, adrenaline from the show still surging through him, he got even harder in Kris's mouth.

And he could see that Kris could tell, that Kris adjusted for him and brought a hand up to wrap around the base of his cock and started sucking him in earnest. He couldn't tell if Kris had done this before. He didn't really care. It was wet and soft and _Kris_ , and Cale did everything he could to keep from closing his eyes again.

It was so good, though. Not perfect, not without its little slips, its little missteps, but perfect didn't do it for him. What did it for him was seeing Kris's lips around him, eyes closed and looking a little like a debauched angel the way Cale had sometimes, but not as often as he'd wanted to, pictured him in his head. Kris's tongue peeked out as he licked up his cock, lips still around it, hand squeezing and stroking a little, and Cale couldn't hold back anymore. He wouldn't thrust even though his hips twitched desperately, but he did moan, and gasp, and let out a string of vowel sounds that weren't even pretending to be words.

Kris sucked a little harder and little louder, pulling his mouth off to gasp for a few moments then just diving right back in like he was aching for it as much as Cale was. Cale finally brought a hand down to Kris's hair and just ran his fingers through the soft, sweat-damp strands of it, pressing his fingertips into Kris's scalp.

He tried to tell him bodily, if not verbally, when he was about to come, but Kris either couldn't tell or didn't care. Cale came with a choked cry while he was still in Kris's mouth, and Kris jerked a little but only pulled back part of the way, and it was no accident that he swallowed it all down.

Then he let his lips rest there for a few moments, at the tip of Cale's cock as it began to soften, before he pulled back all the way to rest on his heels and look at up at him, eyes wide open and lips swollen and shiny.

"Don't be mad?"

If Cale thought he was speechless before, he was really at a loss for words after that. Of all the things that had crossed his mind in the past few minutes, and there were definitely a few, none of them even approached mad. Kris had pulled away from Cale's hand too, but Cale could still just reach the ends of Kris's hair and he did, toying with them with his fingertips.

"Only that there's no way I'm going to be that good when I do it to you," he said finally. 

Kris licked his lips and tried to shake his head, which was seriously the most wrong and craziest reaction to that ever. Cale slipped his hand down to run his thumb over Kris's lower lip, which was as slick as it looked, saliva and maybe a little bit of his come, too, which made his cock twitch. 

"I promise to try, though."

"You don't have to—"

"Shut up," said Cale, and almost laughed. Maybe he hadn't put all the pieces together, maybe he didn't have a lot of things figured out, but Kris was acting like this was going to be a _chore_ for him. Like now that Cale'd had this abrupt awakening he wasn't suddenly aware he'd been wanting this forever. And completely ready to do something about that. "The only thing we should be talking about is whether I'm doing it now, or later."

Kris's hand flew to the button of his jeans, flicking it open, and things definitely didn't always have to be talked about to be answered.

"Lie back," said Cale, even though they were on thin carpet over concrete and there were beds in their near future. That future was still just a little too far away right now.

Kris braced himself on one hand and then did slide back, slowly, his eyes never leaving Cale. When he was on his back, knees up and legs spread, he just pushed his jeans and boxers down to mid-thigh and looked away, like he wasn't sure he wanted to see Cale's reaction to that, like he felt a little dirty.

It was both the least and the most dirty thing Cale had ever done.

He dropped to his knees between Kris's legs and leaned forward on his hands and kissed Kris's stomach first, not as confident as Kris when it came to swallowing him down, but Kris's cock was right there, hard and a little wet, and Cale was both turned on and curious about it. He licked the pre-come on Kris's stomach, making him gasp softly, then licked the head too, salty and slick and new, and Cale felt a tingle all the way through him, a sudden thump of his heart.

"Yeah," he murmured, maybe to himself more than Kris because there was no uncertainty in him at all right now, not in his body and not in his head and not in _Kris_. He slid his mouth over the head and sucked gently, and when that got a moan out of Kris he slid a little more inside, then a little more, then as much as he thought he could handle this first time out.

Kris's hips came up a little and Cale wanted to smile or laugh or say something, but he already had a mouthful so he just sucked like that could say everything he was thinking for him, how buzzed and happy and needy he felt right then. He wrapped one hand around the back of Kris's thigh, right below that perfect ass, then tentatively moved it to cup his balls, which definitely got another positive response.

With that much positive feedback it didn't seem like much of a risk to start going with his gut, pressing his tongue against Kris's cock and swallowing against the head and massaging his balls gently, just enough that it made Kris gasp again, made him breathe something that Cale couldn't quite hear and wasn't sure he was meant to. Cale slowly slid his legs out behind him until he was on his stomach on the floor and started bobbing his head, letting Kris slip almost all the way out before sliding him back in again, sometimes fast, sometimes slow, sometimes pausing to just suck the head and slide his tongue around it.

It was easier than he imagined it would be. It felt good. It was _fun_. And when Kris's hips really started jerking up into his mouth, Cale let him, just sucked hard and let Kris bring himself off in his mouth. It was a bit of a shock when he came, but Kris had swallowed so Cale tried too. He didn't get all of it, a little leaking out and sliding back along Kris's cock, but Cale just licked that up afterwards while resting his fingertips gently against Kris's heaving abdomen.

Then he finally sat back himself and got his first real look at Kris's face since he started. Kris's eyes were just barely open, but he was definitely looking back.

Cale thought about saying something, but he just wasn't ready yet. Instead he tucked himself back inside his jeans and zipped them up, then helped Kris get his up over his hips again even though Kris left his fly unzipped for the moment, still flat on his back on the floor and breathing a little hard.

"So I guess we need to talk about this," Kris said finally, licking his lips again.

"Do we?" said Cale, but of course they did. This was never just about this moment.

It was so much bigger than this.

"But not right now," said Kris, and finally cracked a smile. A smile that was first aimed at the ceiling, and then aimed right at Cale. "I couldn't...I just couldn't help myself."

"There was a little bit of that going on on this end too, in case you hadn't noticed," said Cale, finally getting to his feet and offering Kris a hand to do the same. It was a moment before Kris took it. "I didn't expect...yeah."

"Well, I didn't exactly come in with a sign saying 'brace yourself, I'm going to give you a sloppy blowjob now'," said Kris. "You just looked...and I felt...."

"We'll talk," Cale promised him, because Kris obviously needed to, and they both sort of needed to figure out what happened now that they'd just done what their bodies had, in retrospect, been threatening to do for a while now, over the course of a lot of shows and a lot of hotels and a lot of late nights. "I don't know when. In the car?"

Kris shook his head. "We'll be at a hotel soon," he said, and Cale trusted his judgment on this one, as someone with probably more experience at trying and failing to have personal conversations while travelling with an entourage.

"Okay," he said, and wasn't sure what he was supposed to do here, wasn't sure what he _wasn't_ supposed to do here, but if this was going to be anything like he wanted it to be then there were some things that would just be okay. And if it wasn't going to be anything like he wanted it to be, then he wanted to know that now.

So he leaned in and wrapped his hand around the back of Kris's neck and finally didn't halt part way when they started to kiss. He felt his lips touch Kris's and felt Kris's hand grab at his waist to clutch a handful of his shirt and they kissed, hard and wet and for a very long time.

"We need to go before someone finds us," said Kris, licking his lips again afterwards. To Cale there was no mistaking what they'd just done in the way Kris's mouth looked, the way his cheeks looked, the way his hair and his body looked. To everyone else, though, he'd look pretty much exactly as he had when he'd come off stage.

Someone would find out eventually, because this kind of thing was impossible to keep a secret long, but not right now. This moment was just for them.

And the rest, well, the rest they would talk about.

:::

"So here's the thing," said Kris as they lingered just outside the door to his hotel room. He had the key card poised over the lock but didn't quite push it in yet, just hovered. "The thing that happened? It wasn't really out of the blue."

"Yes, I guessed that."

"And if I get you in this room," Kris went on, "I'm probably going to try it again."

"Before or after we talk?" said Cale, as if that was the important thing he was meant to be getting out of this.

"Well, right now I'm thinking about how fast I can get your pants off," said Kris, "so probably before. If you don't want that, now's the time to speak up."

"Under ten seconds," said Cale, and Kris stared at him for a moment. "To get my pants off. Under ten seconds, and that includes the time it'll take to kick my shoes off, too. Probably a little longer if we're trying to do yours at the same time. Which we will be, by the way, if you let me in that room with you right now."

"Right," said Kris. "So. We're pretty much on the same page then."

"Kris?"

"Yeah?"

"Open the door before I kick it down."

Kris opened the door and Cale pushed past him and then the door was closing under its own weight as they grabbed at each other, stumbling over shoes and tugging at shirts and taking a lot more than ten seconds but only because they were trying to do everything at once. Distantly Cale heard the lock on the door click into place, but he was already tugging at Kris's shirt before the door was even closed and _that_ was a habit they were going to want to break pretty quickly if this was going to be a thing, but not right now.

They should have been getting some sleep, that's what anyone with any sense at all was doing, but now that they'd started this thing Cale wanted to see and touch and _taste_ all those parts of Kris that had been denied to him for so long. 

"What are we going to—?" he asked as they finally tumbled onto the bed, clothes and luggage strewn on the floor and forgotten. Cale shoved a room service menu onto the floor and Kris turned the glowing face of the alarm clock towards them so they would have at least some source of light.

"I have no idea," he said. "Do you want...lamp?"

"Yes," said Cale, even though it wasn't a thing, he didn't need to have the lights on to have sex. Or off. Or whatever. "I want to see you."

"I want to look at you too," said Kris, and stretched over as far as he could without ever leaving the bed to switch the dim bedside lamp on. Cale almost wished he'd freeze in that position for a while, muscles stretched out and taut, head turned to the side, spread out in front of him like everything he didn't know he wanted.

And finally Cale didn't need to bury his impulses, he leaned down and licked a stripe up Kris's stomach, getting his attention back almost immediately. He'd been wanting to do that for...he didn't even know how long. Probably a long time.

If he'd known months ago what he knew now...well, maybe nothing would have been different. Realizing he waned Kris the way he did still felt like a surprise every time he let his thoughts linger on it, but the feeling, the feeling was a familiar one, it had just been a nameless affection before tonight. Maybe nothing would have been different. Or maybe he would have spent those nights on Kris and Katy's couch thinking about inviting Kris out there with him, thinking about what Kris could have been doing with him that he wasn't doing in bed with Katy anymore. Maybe he wouldn't have banished those stray thoughts, those stray fantasies, before they ever had a chance to form.

"We're just going to have to wing this," he said, with his nose against Kris's skin.

"Yeah," breathed Kris. "Awesome." He tugged a little on Cale's hair and brought him up closer and then they were finally kissing again. Kissing hard and deep and Cale sneaked a thigh in between Kris's so they could at least rub off against one another as they kissed. In his head he wanted this to be a little slower, but his body wanted to get things going in a big way.

Kris's breath caught as they moved together, or against each other, or maybe both. Kris's body was hard all over, built of smooth, solid muscle that felt new and exciting under Cale's hands. 

"I think this is pretty intuitive," he said a few moments later, as they didn't seem to have any trouble touching and kissing and rubbing off against one another. "Huh, who knew?"

"We're built knowing how to do this," said Kris. "Now hush."

And to enforce his order he just kissed Cale again, not letting him do anything with his mouth other than kiss back. If Kris had to be demanding about something, Cale was glad it was this because he didn't exactly mind obeying.

They could keep doing this, and Cale was a hundred percent certain that he would come from it, but he was feeling a little bit more adventurous too. Well, okay, he was feeling a little bit like he wanted to stick his dick _in_ something, actually, but adventurous sounded a little less crass. He wasn't even that picky about what.

But he didn't know how to _ask_ , so he kept on rocking against him, rubbing himself off against Kris's body, grabbing hold of a handful of Kris's perfect ass and hanging on as Kris gasped and thrust against him and sounded like he was even closer than Cale. Before either of them came, though, Kris reached back and took three tries to snag hold of something, and only when he had it did Cale realize that it was his t-shirt.

And when they finally did come, Kris with a sound that was almost like a _growl_ and Cale mere moments after that, at least partly from that _sound_ , Kris caught it with the t-shirt and had them cleaned up in moments.

"I have to sleep here," he explained a moment later, his words all running together as he collapsed back against Cale again. "Nobody likes the wet spot."

Cale tried to answer but ended up just nodding when his mouth didn't seem to want to make any sound. Kris gave him a lazy smile and pushed himself up to give Cale another kiss. They didn't say anything for a comfortably long while, draped over one another and cooling off and sharing kisses every few moments so comfortably it was like they'd been doing _that_ forever.

"Is your brain working yet?"

"Mm, more or less," said Cale. "Are we talking now?"

"Probably should, yeah," said Kris. "Should we get out of bed to do it?"

"Nah," said Cale. "Unless you need to. I'm not really thinking about moving yet unless someone shoves me out of the bed."

"Not tonight, anyway," said Kris, which was definitely a strong implication that there would be other nights. "Right. Okay."

"So what's on your mind?" said Cale. "Do you have a speech prepared?"

"Yeah, I wish," said Kris. "I'm not really good at this stuff without a little more preparation."

"That," said Cale, "is not news to me. But if you ask me, you always seem to know the right things to say if you just let yourself say them."

"We should keep doing this," said Kris. "This thing, with us. I had a good time, and you had a good time. Right?"

"Right," said Cale. "I definitely had a good time. My dick had a _great_ time."

Kris grinned against his shoulder, then pushed himself up onto his elbow so that they could at least attempt to have a real conversation. "So those are sort of all my cards. I think we should keep doing this. I want to. It feels good and comfortable and easy."

There was so much unsaid there, things about how Kris was still negotiating things with Katy, how Cale hadn't been with anyone since his break-up, things about how they were really each other's most and least complicated option when it came to beginning to move on. But neither of them said any of them. Kris wanted it to be simple, and Cale wanted to believe it could be, and maybe if they both believed that hard enough it would be as easy as that.

"Right, my turn," said Cale. He'd run his hand slowly up and down Kris's back at least twice before he even realized he was doing it. "As if we could ever be a one-time thing. This isn't a drunk hook-up. I don't do drunk hook-ups. You _definitely_ don't do drunk hook-ups."

"So that means you want to keep doing this too?"

"I definitely want to keep doing this," said Cale. "My dick is cheering right now. And I always figured you'd be the kind of guy to treat a girl right."

"You're not a girl," said Kris. "And neither is your dick."

"Do we need to talk about _that_?" said Cale. "I'm actually kind of not sure what to say about that. I'm still feeling a little blindsided. Happy, but blindsided."

"Yeah," said Kris. "I wasn't exactly blindsided. Should I have said something about that? It never seemed like the right time."

"Oh," said Cale. "So you've...."

"No," said Kris. "I mean, I was with Katy. I was always with Katy. But I knew. It didn't matter much, but I knew."

"You could've said something," said Cale. Which didn't necessarily mean that he _should_ have, because that was his business, but he could have. "You could have pointed out hot guys on TV or something. Or at the movies."

"I never even pointed out hot girls on TV," said Kris. "Anyway, now you know."

"And despite your vast experience ogling guys, we still get to fumble our way through it," said Cale. "Which okay, has actually worked so far."

"Yeah, I think it's definitely worked," said Kris with a breathless laugh. "And as long as we agree we both want to do this, I guess we'll keep on learning it all as we go."

:::

It was a weird feeling, waking up in the morning and remembering all over again just what had changed. Not just between him and Kris, but in him, too. He felt a little dumb, that he'd never realized before it was possible for him to want this. That it was possible for him to _be_ this. He didn't feel bad about it, he didn't feel wrong, he just felt _dumb_.

But whatever. It was good and he was happy and Kris was happy and it was just what it was. They could be this for each other because they'd already been everything else, and it didn't have to be weird.

Actually, it was so _not_ weird that less than twenty-four hours after Kris first pushed him up against a wall, Cale was humming to himself and fantasizing about getting off again.

"Hey."

Kris was half-naked in his head, but that definitely wasn't Kris's voice. Cale looked up and saw Ryland standing there, drumsticks sticking out of his back pocket and hand running through his hair, then straightening his glasses.

"Hey," said Cale, and banished thoughts of naked Kris as he gave him a smile. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," he said, "just figured I'd come and see how you were doing."

"Me?" said Cale. "I'm good. I'm great."

"Good," said Ryland. "You talked to Kate lately?"

Oh. Cale hadn't really talked much about the breakup, other than the fact that it happened. Part of him just didn't know what to say, and part of him didn't want to dig too deep because there was still some pain there, some regret that things hadn't worked out differently.

"She's good too," said Cale, even though that wasn't really the question. "It's still kind of hard to talk. Still a little raw."

"Yeah, didn't mean to pick at the scabs or anything," said Ryland. "I just wanted to see how you were doing with it all."

"I'm actually really good," said Cale honestly. He'd been a bit surprised by that at first, but then he'd just gone with it. "We did the right thing. And you can tell when you've done the right thing, you can feel it."

"That doesn't always make it easy."

"No," agreed Cale, "but it's okay. I'm okay. I'm good."

"And Kris?" said Ryland.

"What about Kris?" said Cale, eyes flicking away from him, naked Kris flashing through his head again as much as he tried to keep him under a beach towel.

"You know him better than anyone," said Ryland. "Things going all right with Katy?"

"As much as any process involving lawyers can go all right," said Cale. That much wasn't a secret. Kris was a private person, he just sometimes didn't talk about his own stuff when he was too busy being concerned with everyone else. "They're actually friends. I think he's just sad now, he's not upset or anything."

"Yeah, I get that," said Ryland, and Cale wondered if he was thinking about his own wife, if he was thinking about how he would've felt under the same circumstances. "I wasn't trying to pry."

"You were just looking out for us," said Cale, giving him a smile finally. "Thank you. But I promise we're good."

And if there was a lot more to say on that particular subject, Cale definitely wasn't sharing it. He wasn't even sure he'd know what to say if he tried.

:::

The next time it happened was a few nights later, and not in a 'frantic blowjob up against the wall at the venue' way this time. Mostly because they never even got five minutes alone in the cramped space, practically tripping over one another. Kris even almost snapped at someone when he didn't manage to get a little bit of time alone to pull himself together, which was so unlike him that Cale actually wondered if they were going to do it again at all.

But after the show Kris was fine and a little wound up and thank goodness they were here overnight thanks to another appearance in the morning, just Kris and Cale.

Kris showed up at Cale's room, knocking on his door and coming in and sitting down in a chair by the window just like a dozen or a hundred other times they'd done this. Just like any other time right up until he took his shirt off.

"Are you going to make me ask?" said Kris.

"Only to figure out what, specifically, you're asking for," said Cale. "I mean, I could give you a backrub, if you want. Or I could..."

"...rub something else?" said Kris with a crooked grin.

"Oh thank God you said it so I didn't have to," said Cale, "because I was going there, I really was. There was no veering off that course."

"I could see you were in trouble," said Kris, toying uncertainly with his shirt. "We _are_ going to, right?"

"Oh, we are definitely going to," said Cale, "but one or both of us really needs to shut up or we're never going to make it onto the bed. Or I guess I can do you right in that chair, but it would be really hard to go vice versa and I'm kind of hoping...."

"You're right," said Kris, dropping his shirt on the floor. "About shutting up, I mean."

Then he got up and took the two steps to get him close enough to Cale and pulled Cale's shirt off too. It wasn't like Cale put up any resistance. In fact, if stretching his arms out counted, he even helped.

"You're okay, right?" said Cale, wrapping his fingers around Kris's wrist to get him closer to the bed. "You're not feeling weird about all this?"

"I just want your company," said Kris with a little shrug, pushing on Cale's shoulder to get _him_ closer to the bed. "And if your company comes with orgasms, that's even better." It was a hard point to argue with. 

"I jerked off thinking about you," said Cale, then wrinkled his nose when he realized that was both kind of gross to tell him and also something he never would've told a girl he was trying to get into bed. But it was out there now, no taking it back. "Last night. Sorry."

"No, that's cool," said Kris. "You wouldn't do that if you weren't into it."

"I kind of hoped that was obvious already," said Cale, working on Kris's pants. "Oh, _come on_. Next time, show up in sweats or something. I hate belts. On other people. That I have to get off."

"Point taken," said Kris. "Where did you do it?"

"Do what?" said Cale, leaving the belt hanging open while he undid Kris's pants.

"You know," said Kris. "Jerk off?"

Cale coughed politely, but it was kind of ridiculous being embarrassed about sex when you were in the middle of trying to have it. "In the shower," he said. "It's kind of the only place with time and space to...you know."

"You could tell me about it," said Kris. "You could tell me about it while I was going down on you, maybe."

"We're terrible at dirty talk," said Cale. "Like, really honestly terrible."

"Well, you could take your pants off and we could give it a shot," said Kris. "It's just you and me so it doesn't have to be embarrassing or anything. I want to hear about you, you know, doing that."

Taking his pants off, at least, seemed like an excellent idea, and Cale shimmied out of them while he tried to figure out what he was even going to say. "It's pretty vanilla," he said, licking his lips before turning back.

"We're naked and talking about fantasies," said Kris. "I don't think that's very vanilla, really. I mean, compared to other stuff."

"It's not fantasies," said Cale. "Well, okay, obviously it's a fantasy, but it's not all wild or anything. It's not really creative."

"I want to hear anyway," said Kris, tugging Cale closer and brushing a kiss over his collarbone. "Tell me?"

He was going to try, obviously. He was going to try to tell him without feeling ridiculous about it. "We were on the beach," he said finally as Kris kissed down his body. "We were alone on the beach, on a beach blanket."

"At sunset?" said Kris, kissing his hipbone. Cale could feel him smiling.

"If you're going to make fun of me, I'm not going to do this," said Cale, his fingertips grazing over the back of Kris's shoulder. It already felt warm.

"Not making fun," Kris promised him. "Fantasies are allowed to be cliché. It's fun."

"It's not cliché," said Cale. "It's not sunset, or nighttime, or dawn. We're just on a beach together. Making out. In the sunshine."

"So we're naked," said Kris, kissing the side of his cock, almost actively avoiding the head.

"Yeah," said Cale, biting down on his lip for a moment to try not to react too much to just that. But Kris's lips were on his cock and there was no way he wasn't reacting to that. "Yeah, we're naked. And you go down on me."

"Like this?" said Kris, slipping his lips over the head of Cale's cock.

"Just like that," said Cale, and Kris didn't ask any questions anymore, he just sucked him, hands gripping Cale's thighs and letting him slide further into his mouth. "And we're...we can hear the waves, and the birds, and we're just doing it like we don't have a care in the world."

Right now he didn't really have a care in the world either because this, right here? This felt exactly the way it did in his imagination. This was what he was thinking about when he jerked off in the shower. And as much as he'd enjoyed his beach fantasy the last couple of days, this moment right now was probably what he was going to be thinking about the next time. He was going to remember the way Kris's mouth felt, the way his hair felt, the way his skin felt.

He stopped talking then, just gripped Kris the way Kris was gripping him and let his mouth fall open and gasped and whimpered and let Kris suck him off. It was still a little clumsy, they both were, but it was so good. _So good_.

"I'm gonna," he said, pressing his thumb into Kris's shoulder. "I'm gonna come."

Kris hadn't pulled off before so Cale didn't think he was going to pull off now, but he still let him know, he let him know how close he was and then he gripped him a little harder and his breath caught and he was coming before he knew it.

Kris even licked his lips afterwards, which was maybe one of the hottest things Cale had seen, in real life or anywhere else too. Because it was _him_ and _Kris_ , and what could be hotter than having orgasms together?

"Okay," he said, catching his breath, "okay, yeah, lie back, okay? Lie back. You don't have to talk, just lie back and let me do this."

Kris shifted on the bed and pushed the pillow out of the way and lay back, letting Cale take over. Cale just sort of looked at him for a minute, though, at the way Kris was flushed and hard, and mostly at his mouth. He had a hard time stopping thinking about Kris's mouth, at times like this and at completely inappropriate times too. He figured he should've been returning the favor but he couldn't help just kissing him for a little while first.

It wasn't like Kris seemed to have any objection to that either, and maybe they were both just trying to get off here but they both kind of liked to make out, too. There was nothing wrong with that. It was fun and hot and whatever, they both liked it.

But okay, Cale's fantasy didn't stop at Kris going down on him, because that first time they did it, even though it was fast and kind of uncomfortable, Cale discovered he actually really liked the way it felt. He liked doing it. He liked the feel of it in his mouth, and maybe he'd feel awkward about that if it wasn't Kris, the person he probably felt the most comfortable with in the whole world.

So after they kissed for a while, after Cale's lips already felt wet and warm and a little swollen from the attention, that was when he moved down the bed and started sucking Kris off with all the confidence he had in his fantasy. He'd done this before. Nothing to it. And really there wasn't, it was so easy to slide his mouth over him, to run his tongue over the head of Kris's cock and then over the bundle of nerves that got a gasp out of Kris, got a little thrust of his hips.

Cale kind of wanted him to try that more this time, made a real point of _not_ holding Kris down with his hands as he moved his mouth over Kris's cock. And Kris had jerked his hips a little last time, shallow little thrusts that didn't approach Cale's throat at all, but this time he was a little more daring. 

They were both a little more daring.

Kris didn't actually thrust into his throat, but it was deeper and faster and Cale was ready enough for it that he could still use his tongue on him.

"I'm probably going to jerk off to this tomorrow," said Kris, then gave a little breathy hiccup and came.

This time, Cale didn't have any trouble swallowing it all. And just because he could, he waited until Kris was watching and licked his lips afterwards too.

Kris just grinned at him and tried to grab a handful of Cale's hair to pull him back up the bed.

"Yep," said Cale as he rested an arm over Kris's chest. "It's all still pretty awesome."

"Never had any doubt about it," said Kris. "That's the best thing about this. We both want all the same things."

:::

Things between them hadn't really changed at all. Of course they'd _changed_ , obviously, in that they were contributing to mutual orgasms at pretty much every legitimate opportunity, but everything else hadn't changed. They were still exactly the same people to one another outside of the bedroom, and that was actually pretty awesome.

Of course, there were little things. Cale kind of had to remember that licking Kris's ear in public wasn't really appropriate. And he'd caught Kris _twice_ moving like he was going to touch Cale in a slightly inappropriate way. But then it was Kris, and Kris could probably get away with that because he touched everyone. But the ear lick, that was definitely something that should be saved for a more private moment.

"I need to figure out a better way to wish you luck before a show," murmured Cale.

"Better than saying 'good luck' to me?" said Kris. "Because that's probably good enough."

"You know what I mean," said Cale. "You probably know what I _want_ to do."

"What you want to do to me and I want to do to you have nothing to do with what we do on stage," said Kris, looking at Cale out of the corner of his eye and smirking just a little.

"Maybe I'll start slapping your behind," said Cale.

"We're not football players."

"But if it's not too gay for football players, it's not too gay for us," said Cale.

"It's not about being too gay," said Kris, giving him a little elbow. "Okay, if you want to slap my ass, go right ahead. Just don't leave marks."

"No, I'll save the marks for afterwards," said Cale, and was rewarded by a slight flush to the back of Kris's neck, that only he could see. "Wait, crap, we're not in a hotel tonight, are we?"

"We might need to find a bathroom stall if you keep that up," said Kris. "Oh, Torres is looking."

Cale just gave him a cocky wave and knocked his knuckles against Kris's knee and got up again because he wanted to personally make sure his guitar was ready to go.

And it was the same as always between them, except more now. Maybe because ever since Cale joined the band, or maybe just a little after Cale joined the band, they'd been this close, this intimate, and nobody thought anything of it anymore. Not even them.

:::

Cale blew off a coffee invite from Andrew to blow Kris up in his room before he left for press rounds, which turned into mutual blowjobs because when did they ever pass up the opportunity for _that_ , and for the first time felt a little weird and unsettled about it afterwards.

"What's wrong," said Kris as he buttoned his jeans and tried to fix his hair. It looked ridiculous, but then no one would be able to tell it apart from how Kris usually looked.

"Nothing," he said, but lying about it just made him feel worse. "Andrew asked me to coffee."

Kris sort of frowned at him, not in the unhappy way but in the confused way. "Like a date?"

"What? No!" said Cale, pulling his own pants back up. "I told him I couldn't, so that I could race back up here and do it with you before you left. Well, I didn't tell him _why_ , just that I couldn't."

"But you wanted to go with him?" said Kris. "I would've been okay with that. Well, okay, I might've made you make up for it later, but I would've survived."

"No, I wanted to come up here," said Cale. "I'm just worried...you know."

"Oh," said Kris, and from the way he inflected it, the way he looked at him, Cale knew that Kris understood what he was saying now. "Hey, it's normal for us to be like this. We're supposed to not be able to get enough of each other right now. It's not something to worry about."

He pulled Cale's zipper up for him, straightened his shirt and then gave him a soft kiss. And it wasn't that they weren't gentle with one another sometimes, but there was a new kind of tenderness in it.

"As long as we're not skipping work for sex, I think we're all right."

"I don't even skip meals for sex," admitted Cale. "Apparently I can be convinced to delay them, though."

"Or we could combine meals and sex," said Kris. "It might get a little messy, but let's be honest, sex is pretty messy to begin with."

"It hasn't been, though," said Cale.

"What?"

"Sex with you hasn't been messy. I mean, you swallow, right? And if we spill it's pretty...contained." Kris was just staring at him, kind of grinning. "What?"

"It's cute when you try to talk about sex," he said. "Or is it just trying to talk about sex _with me_?"

"I was _trying_ not to get all dirty about it," said Cale. "But it's true. We _don't_ get that messy."

"Is that a hint?" said Kris. "Because I bet if we ever got more than about a half an hour to do anything, we could mess up a bed pretty nicely."

Cale swallowed hard. "I think you shouldn't be allowed to say that when we _don't_ have more than half an hour. We only have a couple more minutes before you have to go."

"Something to look forward to, then," said Kris. "We're back in the hotel tonight."

"People will talk."

"People won't even notice. We rehearse in my room all the time," said Kris. "Nobody will care."

"Now I'm thinking about it," said Cale. "Why did I let you convince me to wear tighter jeans?"

"That wasn't me," said Kris. "That was you wanting to look just like me. I know I'm pretty awesome now, but you don't have to do _everything_ just like me."

"Next time someone asks me if you've let fame go to your head, I'm telling them the truth," said Cale.

Kris just laughed and grabbed hold of Cale's open shirt and pulled him down for a kiss, his lips wet and soft as they slid crookedly against Cale's. It was kind of wonderful.

"You really do have to go," said Cale, "and if Lizzie catches us like _this_ it's going to be way worse than that time with the pot."

"If we can't compose ourselves in time to answer a knock at the door, we deserve to get caught," said Kris. "Are you going to check out this city this afternoon?"

"Nah," said Cale. "I think I'm going to go see if Andrew's still downstairs."

:::

Cale knew that things were different with him than they had been with Katy, and not just because he was a guy. Kris and Katy had been high school sweethearts, and Cale knew for a fact they'd waited to be together (not till they were married, but for a long time), and Cale had never been someone to jump into bed with someone himself. But things were different with him and Kris, and he couldn't say they felt wrong. Just different.

Sometimes he worried about it, just a little, like this was some kind of frantic rebound for both of them, but then Kris would rest his head on Cale's shoulder and Cale would wrap an arm around him and even if they weren't saying it, it was a lot more than that. They were friends first, last and always.

And if they were having a lot of sex, well, they were both healthy guys who were learning things about being together that hadn't exactly been taught to them in any other way. Experimentation was their only option.

Well, one of their only options anyway.

"Have you ever asked Adam Lambert about sex?"

"I didn't have to ask," said Kris. "Adam and I talk about all kinds of things, including sex. Or do you mean, did I ever ask technical questions?"

"The second one," said Cale. "I mean, if you were curious and all, and you had a vast repository of gay sexual knowledge at your fingertips."

"I'm telling him you called him that the next time we talk."

"I swear, coming from me, right now, it is the highest possible compliment I could give. Most of the time these days I wish I were a vast repository of gay sexual knowledge."

"Well, no, not really," said Kris. "I never asked him questions like that. But we talked about enough stuff that I like to think I picked up some pointers. Little tidbits dropped here and there. If I ever wanted to give Adam Lambert a blowjob, I would know exactly how to do it."

"But you don't, right?"

"Why, are you jealous?"

Cale just shrugged. "Well, no," he admitted. "As long as I'm not the consolation prize."

"That's the dumbest thing I ever heard," said Kris, punctuating it with a friendly smack on Cale's ass. "If I wanted to give Adam Lambert a blowjob? We would have found a way to make it happen. The fact that we didn't means that we wanted other things more."

"But...you could ask him now, right?"

"You want me to ask Adam about sex?"

Cale shrugged. "You don't want to know the sites that popped up when I tried to look it up on the internet. I closed out of all of it pretty quickly. I didn't need to be seeing that."

"That's what you did this afternoon?"

"I had to do _something_ ," said Cale. "And seriously, you do not want to know."

"He'd want to know why I was asking," said Kris, "and if he asked, I would have to tell him. I wouldn't be able to lie about it. I wouldn't _want_ to lie about it. It's way easier to just stay silent."

"And you don't want to tell him."

"I do, actually," said Kris. "But I don't want to do it over the phone, you know? It feels like something that should be an actually face to face conversation. Possibly while not quite sober. I don't want to call him and say 'hey, so, I'm doing this thing with Cale and we need some recommendations on positions'."

"We do, though," said Cale, giving him a sheepish grin. "Need recommendations."

"No we don't," insisted Kris. "I mean, not yet. I think we're doing pretty well just going on instinct so far."

"But eventually."

"Eventually," said Kris. "Eventually I might make you find your own gay guru too."

"You've got the best gay guru on the planet," insisted Cale. "Why go looking anywhere else?"

"So are we just going to _talk_ not having sex," said Kris. "I don't know why you thought I would be any good at it while you've got my dick in your mouth, or whatever."

"Come here," said Cale, wrapping his fingers around Kris's wrist and pulling him closer. The plan wasn't just to grab him and kiss him, but once Kris was close Cale couldn’t help that bit. And it wasn't like kissing got in the way of Cale's plan. It was just...foreplay. Once he was a little breathless and Kris was swaying like he was dizzy, Cale picked him up and planted him on the table in the corner, feet dangling over the edge.

"This is like how you used to make me stand on things so we'd be the same height," said Kris.

"This is nothing like how I used to make you stand on things," said Cale, and tugged Kris's pants off. "And I didn't _make_ you."

"No, you've never made me do anything," said Kris, leaning back on his hands and letting his thighs fall open. "I was always willing."

"We may suck at dirty talk, but you're pretty good with the innuendo," muttered Cale, bracing himself against the edge of the table then leaning in to take Kris into his mouth, sucking him down hard and fast. And not only was Kris willing, but he was definitely an active participant. Maybe he couldn't move much, maybe all he could do was make loud, desperate sounds, but that was definitely participating.

Cale wasn't quite standing and wasn't quite kneeling and his legs started to ache and he just didn't care because Kris spread out on a table was ridiculously hot and all he could think about was enjoying it.

Kris actually shouted and knocked his head back against the table as he came, and Cale gripped his thighs tightly, holding them open as he swallowed.

There was a banging fist on the wall from the room next to Kris's, and Cale just laughed as he pressed his forehead to Kris's hip. "That wasn't one of ours, right?"

"No, that's not one of ours," said Kris. "But he sounds like he's going to call hotel security on us if we get any louder."

"Good thing I'm not the loud one, then," said Cale as he stood up, as Kris slid awkwardly off the table onto shaky legs and pushed at Cale's chest. Cale thought they were heading for the bed until Kris just pushed him into the desk chair and dropped to his knees in front of him.

"Your turn."

:::

"No," said Cale when Kris grabbed his shirttail and tugged him towards the crisp hotel bed.

"Wait, what?" he said, stopping abruptly at the foot of the bed and looking like Cale just killed his puppy. "Really?"

"I don't mean not at all!" Cale said quickly. "But you're gross, dude. You have about six layers of sweat on you, and so do I. First shower, then make out."

"Come on, really?" said Kris. "We're not that bad."

"We really are," said Cale. "And something smells a little bit like fish, too. I think it got spilled on my pants after the show."

"We could make out before _and_ after," Kris tried to compromise. "Just a little something to take the edge off? I've been thinking about getting back here since we got off stage. The ride over was torture."

"No," said Cale, and this was clearly going to take some heroic measures. He stopped trying to argue and just reached out and pulled Kris's t-shirt up off over his head.

"That's more like it," said Kris, but Cale wasn't finished. He worked on the pants next, which as always were a little more difficult now that Kris wore them tight enough to show off his every stray thought. Kris was helpful, though, as eager to get out of them as Cale was to get him out.

Then Cale bent down, lifted a surprised Kris onto his shoulder and hauled him into the bathroom.

"Oh, are you kidding me?" said Kris, but he was laughing as he said it, Cale could feel the breath on his back and the flexing of his abdominal muscles on his shoulder.

"You left me no choice," said Cale, leaning in to turn the water on with Kris still over his shoulder. "I know how you like to multi-task in there, though, so I thought I could just join you. You know, two birds, one stone. Maybe three or four birds if we're lucky."

"I'm not sure I've got three or four birds left in me," said Kris as Cale finally put him down again so that he could get his own clothes off.

"Don't expect me to lovingly wash your hair or anything," Cale warned him. "You're on your own."

"Thank you for that," said Kris. "I'm not sure how comfortable I would be with you lovingly doing anything to me like that."

"How about if I lovingly suck you off?" said Cale. "You probably wouldn't have any complaints about that."

"It's definitely the kind of service I don't get from my hair people," said Kris. "Not that I would want it. Actually, forget I said that."

"I didn't hear anything," said Cale, "I was too busy getting into the shower."

And he wasn't kidding about the blowjob, although they did a whole lot of groping leading up to it. Groping with soap for at least some part of it, which he figured didn't count as lovingly soaping each other up since the soap was fairly incidental and the part where he got his hands all over Kris's wet body was the important part. If Kris's ass was extra clean when they were done, well, Cale made no apologies for that. He was fairly sure his own was pretty spotless too. 

And then right when Kris reached for the shampoo, Cale dropped to his knees and pressed an open mouthed kiss to the base of Kris's cock. "Keep doing what you're doing," he said, just loud enough to be heard over the spray.

"I'm going to blind myself or something," Kris muttered, but he braced himself with one arm against the wall and continued to lather with the other hand as Cale kissed his way up Kris's cock till he had the head in his mouth. It wasn't something he could brag about, or even really tell anyone, but he felt like he was actually getting pretty good at this. He was getting a lot of practice, anyway, and it was hard not to get good at the things you really loved.

He barely even noticed the spray that cascaded over him, the suds that slipped over Kris's hip and occasionally over his own cheek which found itself directly in the path of least resistance. He couldn't swallow him all the way down yet, but he was getting there. And since he was comfortably balanced on his knees here, Kris's legs braced wide to keep his own balance, Cale slipped a hand between Kris's legs and fondled his balls.

He didn't really plan to go further than that, but they were in a shower and they were slick and wet and soapy, and they'd _talked_ about this, so he let impulse drive him and slid his hand further back between Kris's legs, rubbing the bit of skin there and then, before he could let himself second guess it, pushing his finger against Kris's hole.

Kris jerked against him but Cale was ready for that, just holding Kris's cock in his mouth for a moment more than actually doing anything with it, until Kris could react to what was going on.

"Yeah, that's good," Kris breathed finally, bracing himself with both hands now. "Yeah, okay."

Cale took him at his word and actually pushed his finger inside, just halfway, just as far as was comfortable for him and maybe for Kris, too. Then he resumed his interrupted blowjob, licking and sucking along his cock till Kris choked and sprayed water and came down Cale's throat. He just barely managed to swallow before pulling his finger out and washing his hands under the spray and then standing up to meet him.

Kris's first response was to grab Cale by the back of his neck and kiss him hard. His second was to reach down and wrap his hand around Cale's cock and start jerking it hard and fast while they were still kissing. Cale felt like he couldn't get any air, but the dizziness just made everything more intense. He knew he was close before he even stood up, had considered jerking himself off before he did because it would've taken only a few moments, but this, this was _so much better_.

They were still kissing when he came, biting down against Kris's lower lip, and when he finally opened his eyes again and pulled back to breathe and look down, the water had already washed it all away.

"So we should try that again," he said, reaching past Kris to turn the water off.

"If we're going there, then we should do it right," said Kris, "and I think I'm ready to go there now if you are."

"It just sort of happened," said Cale. "It felt right. I figured, if you didn't want it you know how to say no."

"Clearly we both know how to say no," said Kris wryly. "We'll need stuff, though. Not just lotion. I guess we'll have to...buy it."

"You don't have people who can do that for you?"

"Do _you_ want to tell them why we need lube?" said Kris. Privately, Cale thought part of their job was to get Kris what he needed and _not_ judge him for it, but...no, he didn't want to be the one to tell anyone why he and Kris needed lube. Or even why Kris needed lube, since Cale wouldn't necessarily have been considered part of that particular equation. "I can't just go out and buy it."

Cale sighed, but he also smiled. "That leaves the Internet, or me."

"We can wait, if you want," said Kris, but Cale already knew there would be no waiting.

"Just this once," he said. "Then after that it's Internet all the way, for _any_ thing else we decide we might need."

"We aren't going to need a sex swing," said Kris. "I'm telling you that right now."

Cale tried to cover his horrified look by reaching for the towels. " _Not_ what I had in mind," he said, "but thank you for the reassurance. I'll sleep better at night."

"You sleep like a baby every night," said Kris. "Or at least, you do when you're with me. Or in the next room on the couch."

"Don't dissect my figures of speech," said Cale, wrapping the towel around Kris's waist before thinking about what he was doing. "And I did not just lovingly wrap you in a towel."

"Noted," said Kris. "So...you're going shopping tomorrow morning, right?"

Cale had to laugh. "Unless you want me to go right now." There was a definite pause. "You _do_ want me to go right now!"

"There was a Walgreen's on the corner, right?" said Kris. "And it's the middle of the night. It's the best time to go. Nobody's going to care what you're doing or what you're buying."

Cale thought about grumbling out some kind of protest, but...okay, he kind of wanted to try this out now too, and since they needed a little bit of recovery time anyway (though not as much time as it was going to take for him to get to the corner and back) he might as well just go and get this done.

"You owe me one," he said, and as he threw on his clothes over damp skin and raced down to the drug store about as fast as he could do it without looking like there was life or limb on the line, he thought about just what that 'one' was going to be. By the time he got back to the hotel room—red-faced and _not_ because of his haste—he had a whole list.

"That was quick," said Kris, reaching to pull his shirt off before the door had even finished closing.

"She told me to have a good night," said Cale, tossing the bag on the bed. " _She told me to have a good night._ "

"And you will," Kris promised him. 

Cale didn't want to think about what she might've said if he'd bought condoms too. He thought about it, even stopping in front of them for a little while, but he didn't want to get ahead of himself. One day, though. Maybe. Just not tonight. And _those_ at least were much, much easier to come by.

"I feel like I need to shower again," said Cale, but Kris was having none of that, backing up towards the bed with Cale in tow.

"My body's going to decide it wants to sleep soon," he said, "and I want to try this out before it does."

"I could try it out after it does," agreed Cale, "but that would probably be a lot less fun for you. A lot less fun for me too, actually."

"So we're agreed that we'd like to do this while I'm still conscious," said Kris, looking pointedly at Cale's pants. It definitely did not take Cale long to get out of them, though it took him longer to figure out just how and where he should get onto the bed to do this. "You're thinking about this too much."

"I just want to get it right," he said, then sort of laughed at himself and just followed Kris onto the bed because seriously? It was probably going to be awkward as all hell and the sooner he accepted that the sooner he could have his hands all over Kris's body again.

"Better," said Kris, grinning at him and making Cale feel right at ease again. Even with the paper bag sitting somewhat intimidatingly on the bed next to them. Rather than let the nerves and anticipation hang over his head, Cale just bit the bullet and tore it open and got the lube out. If he could _buy_ the stuff, he sure was heck was getting some use out of it.

"Do you want me to go down on you a little first?" he said, even as he examined the bottle a little more closely than he had in the store, where he'd pretty much just found it and snatched it up without pausing to debate the merits of one brand versus another. 

"Have I ever said no to that question?" said Kris. "Except that one time at dinner, and I'm pretty sure you weren't seriously suggesting it as a way to get me to eat my broccoli."

"Maybe if we hadn't been in the middle of a restaurant at the time," said Cale, and then his attention was all on Kris again, on the way he was still a little warm from the shower, his hair leaving a damp spot on the pillow. He didn't care if Kris hadn't actually answered the question, he was still going to give that cock a little attention before they did anything new.

He didn't really go down on him, not like he knew he could, but he did kiss up his thighs and over his abdomen and up his cock till he was sucking on the head a little bit. And he was still a little iffy and awkward about the whole mouth-on-balls situation, but he gave them some light kisses too while he urged Kris to spread his legs.

And this was it. This was premeditated, not just the instinctive push of his finger in the shower. But Kris was already biting his lip and spreading his legs with _not_ a lot of urging from Cale, and Cale was flipping the bottle open before he knew it.

"Okay, here goes," he murmured, and spread Kris's cheeks a little with one hand while pressing two weirdly slick fingers of the other against his hole. It was a little different _looking_ at it, too, watching the way Kris's muscles worked, the way he squirmed against both of Cale's hands. It was strange and new and kind of awesome, too. 

He wasn't looking as he pushed the first finger inside, though—his attention was back on Kris's cock again, kissing his way up it then back down again, doing everything _but_ take it into his mouth as he moved his finger, slid it in and out a little and tried to keep his eyes on Kris's reactions.

He squirmed a little at first, like he wasn't really sure about it, but then after a moment he was pushing back against Cale's finger, like he wanted more. And Cale had more to give, though he had to pull away from Kris's cock again as he did it, carefully sliding a second finger into him alongside the first. This time he was slower, uncertain of the stretch and really _never_ having done anything like this before, not to anyone else and definitely not to himself.

"Okay?" he said as Kris started squirming again.

"Yeah, yeah," said Kris. "No, it's good, you can go harder."

It wasn't just for Kris's sake that Cale had been going slowly, but it _was_ entirely at Kris's request that he pushed in a little faster and a little harder, twisting his fingers as he did and getting an actual gasp out of Kris. And then another, along with a hitched breath, as he lavished some attention on his cock again. This time he did suck on the head a little bit as he twisted his fingers inside Kris's body again and started rubbing himself against the bed because he only had so many hands.

"Wow, yeah, good," said Kris, swallowing hard and sounding breathless. "Can you go deeper?"

Cale could, and he did, pushing to the absolutely limit and twisting his wrist to give Kris that extra millimeter that couldn't be gotten other way. When he did Kris sucked in a huge breath and Cale thought something had gone horribly wrong until Kris shakily exhaled again.

"Right there, _never stop_ ," he said, and Cale did everything he could to do exactly what Kris wanted him to do. It really was messy and kind of awkward doing this, but he could imagine a time when it would be way less awkward, when it was something they did all the time. 

But okay, it would probably always be messy.

The way Kris was reacting this now, as into it as Cale had ever seen him, Cale just got more and more turned on himself, and as he moved to go down on Kris again, really go down on him this time, swallowing him as far as he could go, his hips rocked harder against the bed, giving himself all the relief he could. 

Kris groped at him helplessly as Cale fingered him and sucked him, his legs splayed wide and his mouth open and his head tilted back like it was all too much, like he couldn't even watch. He came suddenly but not without warning, his fingertips digging into Cale's shoulder and a rough moan escaping from him, much as he'd obviously been trying to hold it back.

Even as he swallowed, even as he carefully pulled his fingers out and wiped them against the bed, Cale kept rocking against the bed, his hips working hard even as Cale tried to convince his body to hold off just a little bit longer. When Kris tried to pull him up the bed to join him, Cale was already shaking with orgasm, helpless to stop it.

He was _so, so_ embarrassed that he came before Kris could even touch him, but Kris just laughed and made Cale kiss him and looked like it was maybe the most awesome thing Cale had ever done.

"So you're that into me, huh?" he teased him.

"You already knew that," grumbled Cale, but he was kissing Kris's neck as he said it. "And anyway, you just let me put my fingers in your ass, so whatever."

Kris just laughed again, and sounded utterly and uncomplicatedly happy. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, I guess I did."

:::

"So I feel we may have missed a vital step here," said Cale, dropping the plastic convenience store bag on the table next to the coffee maker, the drinking glasses and the iron.

"Between the corner and your hotel room?" said Kris. "We made it here, so I think we did all right."

"Between us before and us now," said Cale, checking the bag to make sure they hadn't grabbed anything that needed to be stuffed in the mini-fridge. "We sort of jumped in with both feet."

"I've been pretty okay with that," said Kris. "I thought you've been pretty okay with that too."

"I've been great with it," said Cale. "We just skipped some stuff and I think we should catch up now."

"Right now?"

"Can't think of a better time," said Cale. "Nobody's expecting to see either one of us till morning. Unless someone set something on fire, and I like to think our guys have better timing than that."

"So what vital steps are we talking about?" said Kris, but Cale just took his elbow and led him to the bed. When Kris tried to take his shirt off, Cale stopped him. "Seriously?" 

"Seriously," said Cale, and laced his fingers with Kris's and then kissed those parted, smiling lips. He didn't think there was a necessary and immutable progression when it came to relationships—if they were even calling this that—but he liked this part, this part where you just felt _nice_ with each other, and in their desperation to fill every moment alone together, of which there were admittedly too few, they just never did this.

"Okay," said Kris, kicking his shoes off and then playing with Cale's socked feet with his own. Which was it exactly, it was exactly what Cale was looking for. His teenage self never would have thought that this making out wouldn't just be solely in pursuit of something else, but his teenage self had a lot to learn.

With his free hand he ran his fingers carefully through Kris's hair, playing with it as he kissed him, as Kris kissed him back in that same spirit of playfulness and exploration. Cale couldn't see it, not from this close, but he could just _tell_ that Kris was smiling. Maybe because he was smiling too, because he couldn't imagine doing this and not smiling.

Kris grabbed a little bit at the hem of Cale's shirt but it was just a restless, helpless motion as they continued to kiss. Cale closed his eyes and just let himself enjoy it, the way they instinctively curled around one another and tangled up together. Kris squeezed his hand and Cale rubbed his thumb gently against Kris's scalp and just kept kissing, soft, slow, frequent kisses, moving away only to take a breath before starting again. 

"How do you feel about your nipples?" said Cale, letting go of Kris's hair only to run his hand up Kris's abdomen and chest over his shirt.

"They're...there?" offered Kris, licking his lips and looking a little confused about why Cale wasn't kissing him anymore.

"Are they sensitive?" said Cale. "I've never stopped to find out. I've never asked if you like people to play with them."

"I don't know," said Kris, chewing on his swollen lower lip for a moment as he looked down at Cale's hand. "We never...you know I've only been with one other person."

And Cale did know that, even if he didn't think about that very often. Just one woman before, and never another man who might've given him a chance to explore that.

"Do you want to find out?"

"That would mean taking my shirt off," Kris teased him. "Are you sure you want to go there?"

"Shirts are okay," said Cale, pulling it up just far enough to expose Kris's waist and abs. "Pants stay on, though."

"Forever?" said Kris. 

"For now," said Cale, pulling his shirt up a little higher, though not quite high enough yet. "I think I want to know. Maybe you'll like me pinching them, or biting them, or tonguing them."

"I, um, think you're getting better at this dirty talk thing," said Kris, and the funny part was, Cale hadn't even been thinking about it. He'd just been saying what was in his head, what he was thinking about trying now that they were letting themselves slow down a little to find out what they might have been missing.

"Well, might as well get it in now before my mouth is too busy," said Cale, pulling his shirt up the rest of the way to Kris's armpits. They had to let go of hands then, and it was funny how reluctant Cale felt to do that when it was such a simple, basic gesture. Then he pulled Kris's shirt over his head, only half-way off and leaving his arms trapped there while Cale took his first tentative licks over Kris's tiny nipples. They hardened so quickly when he did, and he heard Kris gasp softly behind the fabric.

He finally pulled the shirt off the rest of the way then, leaving his own on, kissing Kris again as soon as he could see his face and bringing a hand up to pinch that already-hard nipple. Kris hissed into his kiss.

"Sensitive?"

"I don't know if it's sensitive, or you," said Kris. "I don't really...."

Cale even knew what he was trying to say. He was trying to say that he didn't play with them when he was getting himself off, though Cale wondered if, after this, he would give that a try. It was a mental image that was definitely going to stick with him for a while.

"Either way, it's fun, right?" said Cale, pinching the other one and kissing Kris through another reaction to it.

"Definitely," said Kris, sinking his teeth lightly into Cale's lower lip as Cale moved his other hand in to toy with them both at the same time. Kris's back actually _arched_ as he did.

"Oh, that was good," he said, kissing him again.

"That was definitely good," said Kris. "It's not fair that you still have your shirt on."

"It doesn't do much for me," admitted Cale, "but if you like the view...."

"Maybe it'll be different with me," said Kris, but either way, Cale knew his shirt was coming off and all he could do was give in when Kris started tugging on it. "At worst, it'll be fun for me."

But before Kris had his fun, Cale was still having his, and he finally left off kissing for a little while to move down just far enough to tongue Kris's nipples lightly, then bite one of them just sharply enough to be felt.

"Oh yeah, that, that," said Kris with a soft hitch in his voice, and that was all the encouragement Cale needed to keep going, nibbling first at one, then at the other, and holding Kris's sides as he gasped and squirmed in his arms. When Kris slid a hand up Cale's body and pinched at his nipple, he figured they were _both_ surprised when it was already tight and peaked and hard under his fingertips. Cale knew _he_ certainly was.

"Oh yeah," said Kris, "you aren't into this at _all_ ," and pinched it a little harder.

"Never said I wasn't at _all_ ," said Cale, and it wasn't his intention to knock Kris's hand off his body, it was just an unfortunate side effect of kissing his way over Kris's body, licking at the curve of his armpit, the hollow of his throat, and down to slip his tongue into the dip of his belly button.

When Kris reached down to open his pants, Cale pulled his wrists away and placed them back on his own body. "Above the waist only," he said, but he did run his tongue right along the waistband of Kris's jeans, and overtop of the button.

"You're going to kill me," said Kris, but Cale just smiled and started kissing his way back up again, lavishing more attention on his nipples.

He was going to kill both of them, but in the best way. He slid a leg between Kris's, their cocks pressed up together through many layers of clothing, and then he started kissing him again. Kris made a noise that seemed to come from deep inside him as he started kissing him back desperately, hungrily, exploring Cale's back with his hands as he did.

They were moving together without either talking about it or even thinking about it, just an instinctive motion, rubbing their bodies up together as they continued to kiss, as they continued to touch and grope and, occasionally, laugh softly in each other's ear.

"I could keep this up all night," said Cale. "I really could."

"We could," said Kris, and it took some willpower but they both slowed down, stopped rubbing off against one another and started kissing more again instead. "Maybe not _all_ night."

But for a long time. For a long time they kissed and whispered things to one another, sometimes about making out, sometimes about music, sometimes about nothing at all, and then they kissed some more, and touched some more, and Cale didn't even want to think about how late it had to be when they couldn't put the inevitable off any longer.

When it happened, it happened pretty fast. Kris sank his fingertips into Cale's back and Cale slid his hands into Kris's back pockets and they bucked frantically against one another, panting and whimpering and gasping, until they finally came. Cale couldn't even tell who was first.

"I hope you're happy," said Kris a few moments later, kissing the spot right below Cale's ear so tenderly it sent shivers through him. "Somebody needs to clean that up."

"Trust me," said Cale, "the hotel laundry has seen much, much worse."

"I would be embarrassed," said Kris, "if you hadn't planned it that way."

"I only planned the making out," said Cale. "The coming in our pants was a mutual decision."

"After four hours we had to do _some_ thing," said Kris. "Our lips are going to be so chapped."

"Four hours?" said Cale. "Seriously?" Kris nodded at the clock by the bed but Cale didn't even have to look, he believed him. "Wow."

"You should stay," said Kris. "After we get cleaned up, you should stay. For the night. With me."

"I'll probably kiss you more," said Cale. "Fair warning."

"Yeah, I'll probably kiss you more too," said Kris, and despite his complaint of chapped lips he did just that. "But first I need to get _out_ of these pants."

"Don't worry," said Cale, helping him off the bed and reaching for his pants. "I got you into this, so I'll help you get out of this too."

:::

Songwriting, for Kris, had to be a completely different process than it used to be. Before Idol they would just hang out with their guitars, picking away at lyrics in someone's living room at three in the morning. Now Kris had worked with professional songwriters and producers and it wasn't just about jamming with a friend anymore. Cale had a little taste of it through his own little songwriting credit on Kris's album, so he knew it was the truth.

But now here they were, just like the old days, sitting in a hotel room with their guitars out and playing with a new song. A new song that Cale thought was going really well until Kris sighed and put his feet up on the little table (which had to be uncomfortably high to do that on) and stilled his guitar strings with his fingers.

"You don't like it?" said Cale, trying to read the weird frown on Kris's face.

Maybe it was like the old days in some ways, but then it wasn't, too. Music was actually the foundation of their friendship, what had brought them together in the first place, but they were something else to one another now too and that was bound to change things.

"No, I do," he said. "It's just...."

"Not into it?" said Cale. "We can do something else right now. We've got at least an hour before someone comes to collect us."

Kris licked his lips and shook his head. "No, it's going great," he said. "The song's just, you know. About Katy."

"Well, yeah," said Cale, looking more closely like that might help him figure out what was going on in Kris's head. If maybe there were some complications with the divorce that Kris hadn't talked about with him. "You seemed like you were okay with that, though."

"You mean you knew?"

Cale just stared at him for a second. "You mean you didn't?"

Kris cracked a chagrined smile and Cale realized that no, no he _hadn't_ known, maybe hadn't realized the song was about anything at all, other than a vague and remembered feeling. Maybe somehow, in the back of his head, he thought they were telling Cale's story here.

"Well, I do now," he said. "You're okay working on a song about Katy with me?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" said Cale. "I mean, it's your song, but I was around for a lot of this. I get it. I remember too. I remember in different ways, but I remember."

"I mean..." said Kris, but Cale knew what he meant, he didn't have to spell it out. He was worried it would be awkward, because of the whole sex thing. But it wasn't. Cale had known Katy as long as he'd known Kris. It didn't have to be weird. "Okay, yeah, let's do this."

Cale wasn't sure Kris was a hundred percent sure it was okay, but the only way Cale was going to convince him of that was by doing. So he strummed his way through the intro again and Kris just let his guitar sit in his lap as he hummed a few bars then kicked in a few lyrics that seemed to just come to him as they went. And maybe Kris was feeling weird because it wasn't a sad or a painful or a melancholy song. Maybe he thought that it should have been.

But Cale got it. He _liked_ Katy, and Kris liked Katy, and they'd been together for a long time. There were a lot of good times to draw on, and maybe that was easier now that he wasn't so concerned with the bad.

And okay, maybe Cale was a little relieved they were writing about _that_ common experience, because their other common experience right now was something he thought maybe they weren't ready to starting writing songs about yet.

Cale caught Kris smiling about something, but Kris just shook his head and didn't explain himself, nor did Cale expect him to. But he did kick his feet off the table and slide them towards Cale until they were resting ankle to ankle as they worked out the song.

"Maybe if we brought the key down a little," Cale suggested when Kris's voice trailed off.

"You think?" said Kris. "I thought I was hitting those notes just fine."

"You were," said Cale quickly, "I just like your lower register." There was nothing too revealing about saying something like that—he _did_ like Kris's lower register and had always told him so—but he felt a little embarrassed after saying it, and just shrugged and started in exactly the way he had before until Kris stopped him with a light kick to his ankle.

"Sure, okay, let's try it," he said, and Cale knew, he just knew, that he started smiling again as soon as Kris said it. But whatever, he looked happy most of the time anyway, it was nothing to be embarrassed about. 

He was right, too; the change of key brought something richer to the opening that it had been missing, and Cale could see the moment Kris realized that. They'd always worked well together musically—there was no way Kris would have asked Cale to be in his band if they hadn't, not with all the options available to him—but that very situation was what had the potential to make things awkward now. They were a lot more things to one another these days, and their personal relationship would always have the potential to complicate their professional one.

"That was awesome," Kris said, cutting it short before the chorus.

And as much as the song was lyrically about Katy, musically it was about Kris and Cale, and to a couple of musicians that was just as important. And less emotionally revealing, which for Cale right now seemed pretty much right.

:::

They found a few moments together after their LA show, not in a dressing room, not sneaking around, but in Kris's own home, in that short span of time between the end of the show and when they were expected to go out and meet friends, friends they could only meet when they were in LA. This was one time that neither of them could beg off.

"Come on," said Kris, tugging on Cale's t-shirt and trying to get it over his head. "If we're only going to get a few minutes, I want to make the most of them."

Cale was used to Kris being the laid back one, even now that they were doing this, but when he was wound up he was wound up. And right now he was wound up.

"More than a few minutes," he said, finally managing to get the shirt half off. Cale helped him with it the rest of the way, tossing it on the floor. "But less than a lot."

He stripped Kris's shirt off too, but they were still both wearing their jeans when they tumbled onto the bed, kissing and groping each other. Cale toed his socks off even as Kris did, and then their feet were tangling too where they were just barely dangling off the bed.

"I don't care if we only have five minutes, I'm not coming in my pants," said Cale. "Not this time, anyway."

"I want you to...I want to have sex with you," said Kris, then bit down lightly on Cale's lower lip as they kissed.

"I thought we've been doing that for weeks," said Cale, "though we're not going to get around to it tonight if we don't hurry up."

"No, I mean, I want you to do me," said Kris, already growing breathless as he slid a hand flat down the back of Cale's pants. "Not right now, not before we go out, but soon."

"Oh shit," said Cale, and pressed his face to Kris's neck as arousal shot through him, hot and electric. "Do I have to go out all night tonight thinking about that? You want to kill me, don't you?"

"No, I just want your eyes on me all night," said Kris, wrapping a leg around Cale's.

"My eyes were already going to be on you all night," said Cale. "My eyes are always on you all night, in case you hadn't noticed."

"I noticed," said Kris, lifting Cale's head so they could kiss again. His lips already felt a little chapped from the wet heat of Kris's, from the dozens of kisses, from pressing up against one another as their tongues tangled, making it impossible to speak for long stretches.

"Okay, pants," said Cale, and did manage to pull away while he still could. "They're coming off."

He stripped his own, then before Kris could do the same Cale just unbuttoned them and pulled them straight off his body, followed moments later by his underwear.

"Okay, better," he said, and climbed back on, skin to skin again, this time with their cocks rubbing up against each other. And maybe this was going to be quick and dirty, maybe they weren't going to have time to draw it out, to make it really good, but they kind of liked it quick and dirty.

It was kind of their thing.

"I'll do both of us," said Cale, and when Kris panted against his throat and nodded his head Cale knew he understood exactly what Cale was saying. 

He didn't do it right away, though. Just because it was going to be fast, didn't mean it had to be immediate. They still had time to roll over on the bed till Kris was on top, to rock against one another, for Cale to grope Kris's perfect ass and to kiss a little longer. Not that they ever seemed to stop kissing when they were alone, when they had a few moments of privacy.

But after a few moments of that. When Cale was achingly hard, when Kris was obviously trying to rub off against him, Cale finally rolled them onto their sides and reached between them and started jerking them off together, his hand wrapping most of the way around both their cocks.

He couldn't help moaning a little, especially when Kris's hand wrapped around his, as far as it would go, as Kris thumbed over the head of his cock, and then his own, and panted in Cale's ear before kissing him again and again.

"Yes," said Cale, and let his eyes fluttered closed and concentrated on the sounds of Kris, the feel of him against him, the heat of his body and the press of his lips against Cale's skin, against his jaw, against his cheek, then back to his mouth again, hard and wet and desperate.

"I want to come," Kris murmured, and it was still so rare that Kris actually _said_ things like that Cale almost came on the spot. He gasped and squeezed and tried to prolong it, but then Kris kept moving his hand and so Cale resumed moving his too. Stroking them hard and fast and a little erratically until he spilled over both of their hands. 

"Keep going, keep going," said Kris, and Cale did it as best he could, though he was so sensitive now. Fortunately Kris came just moments later, with a hitch in his breath and a jerk of his body.

"I l—" Cale said then stopped himself short when he realized what he was saying. Not that he didn't think it, and not that he didn't mean it, but now wasn't the time to say it. Not when it meant something a lot more than he used to when they said it to one another. He didn't know if Kris heard him, or if he heard him then if he understand what had almost just happened, but if he did he showed no sign of it.

"We need to get cleaned up," said Kris, and made absolutely no move to do that. Cale moved his hand away, but that was the only concession he made to the fact that they couldn't stay like this for the rest of the night. Kris had collapsed on him, cheek against Cale's shoulder, breathing hard. His hand was a little restless, moving up and down Cale's hip, fingertips just brushing over his skin.

"Yeah," said Cale, and kissed Kris's head. "Before we get glued together."

"Do you think that would be a reasonable excuse not to go out tonight?" said Kris. "Could we get away with that?"

"Maybe," said Cale, "but you get to be the one to explain it."

"Hm, maybe not," said Kris. "I'd probably just get tips on how to take care of the problem."

"Knowing some of your friends, probably so," said Cale. And he really felt like it wasn't so much that Kris didn't want to tell them who he was with, even though they hadn't told anyone yet, as that he didn't want to spill just _what_ their relationship was like. Because Kris's friends knew he wasn't as innocent as a lot of people believed him to be, but they still didn't picture him as someone who was having sex in venue closets.

"Just a few more minutes, though," said Kris.

"If we wait a few more minutes, we won't have time for a shower," said Cale regretfully.

"I don't want a shower," said Kris. "I'll just put on a clean shirt."

"That's not going to help," said Cale, but then when Kris got it in his head that he wasn't going to shower, he didn't shower. "We could do it together."

"That's also not going to help," said Kris. "We'd just make out again."

"Well, yes," admitted Cale, "but it would be easier to clean up afterwards, and we wouldn't get stuck together."

"We're not going to get stuck together," said Kris, and it was true that they had enough experience to know that it was pretty unlikely. But he still finally pushed himself up and away, finally rolling off completely and lying flat on his back on the bed, stretching out and still breathing a little hard.

"So," said Cale after a few more moments passed.

"I know what you're thinking about," said Kris, a playful note back in his voice. He must have been recovering already. "And what you're going to be thinking about for the rest of the night. And probably tomorrow too."

"You're a terrible person," said Cale. "No, really. I take back everything nice I've ever said about you since the day we met.

"You l—" said Kris, and for a second Cale thought it was just that, just one of those playful threats, then he saw the look on Kris's face and saw that he'd hesitated on the same sentence Cale had earlier.

Maybe another time.

"So we actually really need to go. At some point. Very soon. Before someone comes and tries to find us."

"Because that would be bad," said Kris.

"Because that would be very bad," said Cale. "Also, kind of embarrassing."

"Speak for yourself," said Kris. "I have nothing to be embarrassed about." And still, it was a long time before either of them managed to move.

"You're absolutely sure we have to go out?" said Cale. "We can't feign the plague or something? No one would expect us to go out with them if we had the plague."

"It'll be fine," said Kris, finally rolling off the bed and onto his feet. "You can spend all night knowing we're coming back here again afterwards."

"Yeah, that's kind of the problem," said Cale, but Kris was already heading towards the bathroom. A moment later, Cale followed.

:::

Three days later Cale thought he was going to die, because they just had _not_ found the right time to do it, and they were going back on the road in another day, tour bus this time and everything, and sure there were hotels on the road and they'd probably find a way but it meant something to him now that they do it here, at home. Or at Kris's home, since Cale was sort of homeless, technically.

And Cale didn't think of himself as a particularly jealous person, he never had been, but he had to admit, in the privacy of his own mind, that after Kris had dinner with Katy last night before they left town he kind of wanted to stake a claim. Not that he would ever call it that. Not out loud, anyway.

They might still be calling it fuck buddies, only Kris would never actually say 'fuck buddies' so he used all kinds of other euphemisms, but they both knew it was something more than that even if just what remained unsaid.

"We're staying in tonight, right?" said Cale. "I don't have anywhere to be and I know you don't have anywhere to be, and if you made other plans I'm just going to have to kill you or something. You think I'm joking, but I've even got a plan. You'll never see it coming."

"I will now that you've told me," said Kris. "You're not very sneaky."

"I'm really not," said Cale, "so it's a good thing we're staying in so I don't have to put my plan into action. We are, right?"

"You're not the only one with plans," said Kris. "And mine definitely do not involve going out tonight. In fact, my plans don't involve anything but me and you and probably my bed because I doubt we're going to want to do this anywhere else."

Cale did not even pretend to mask his sigh of relief. "Are you ready for this?" he asked, though, even though he wanted to kick himself a little for asking.

"As ready as you are," said Kris, "which by the way you look right now is pretty ready."

It took tremendous strength of character not to just jump straight to the main event, but as much as they were both primed and ready for it, Cale kind of wanted it to be special. In a way. Not in a way that involved dinner or romance or even a freshly made bed, but still special.

"Come here," he said, and snagged the bottom of Kris's shirt with two fingers and tugged him closer so they could kiss. "If you can't walk properly tomorrow, I'm telling everyone you twisted your ankle getting out of the shower."

"They're going to wonder why you know what I was doing when I was getting out of the shower," said Kris.

"They really won't," said Cale. "That's what I love about our guys. They probably wouldn't bat an eye."

"They'd probably bat an eye if you told them the truth, though," said Kris, "so let's not do that. And in fact, let's just assume that I'm going to be walking just fine tomorrow. I have it on good authority that it doesn't actually do that."

"And what authority is that?"

"How much my body likes it when you finger me," said Kris, "and a significant amount of time learning exactly how big you are."

Cale kissed him again, and tugged at his shirt this time. "Just promise not to laugh when it takes us about five tries to get it right," he said.

"I think," said Kris, pulling Cale's shirt off as soon as Cale had succeeded with his, "that you've had too much time to obsess about this."

"That's what you get for teasing me with it days ago and then being all busy with trivial things like friends and family and this career of yours," said Cale. "I've had it on the brain."

"It's not going to take us five tries," said Kris. "Well, okay, it might take us five tries, but we'll get there. Because...just because. Because I want us to."

Cale didn't want to go through a whole tease with getting their clothes off this time. He just captured Kris's mouth for a few moments then opened his pants and pulled them right off, out of sight and out of mind. He was so used to being naked with Kris now, sexually and even just casually, that he didn't even think twice about it.

It was just comfortable. It was easy.

"I put everything by the bed," said Kris. "Last thing I wanted us to be doing was scrambling. I figured you'd never forgive me if I sent you to Walgreen's in the middle of the night again."

"I probably would," admitted Cale, "but there would be a price. A price you'd probably be willing to pay, but definitely a price."

"Come on," said Kris, urging him onto the bed with him as if Cale needed any urging at all. "I'm kind of excited. This is the first time we've ever really _planned_ anything." As much as this was planned, which by Cale's previous dating standards of dinner reservations and flowers it really wasn't.

"Yeah, I'm kind of excited too," he said, like that wasn't already obvious. But not so excited that he didn't enjoy what he had in his hands, in his arms. They kissed, and they smiled at one another, and Cale ran his hands up and own Kris's body like he was learning the shape of him even though they'd gotten so familiar with each other's bodies lately, like there was even anything left to learn.

Except there always seemed to be something left to learn, something new, and that was one of the best things about being with Kris. Every day it was just more and more awesome.

"I'm going to..." he said, then figured he didn't actually need to narrate and instead reached for the lube which was, as promised, right by the side of the bed. He held it where Kris could see it, and Kris just shifted his hips, spread his legs. As Cale popped it open he actually watched the way Kris's cock bobbed against his body and wondered if it would be a problem if he sucked it, just a little.

Well, it had never been a problem before so he figured it wouldn't be a problem now.

He just liked it. It wasn't even just about what it did for Kris, though he wasn't going to deny that he liked that too. He just liked the way it felt, liked the way it made him hot, like the way that _he_ got harder when he was sucking Kris off. Or just sucking him, as the case may be, because the last thing he wanted to do right now was take this too far.

Kris didn't have to signal him to stop when he got too close because Cale pulled off on his own long before that, pausing to look up and give Kris a sheepish if pretty much unapologetic look before he actually did anything with the lube in his hand. He moved further down the bed and pushed Kris's knees open and actually took a little lick at his balls before pushing his thighs open even further. It wasn't nearly as weird as he used to think it was.

And he slicked his fingers over Kris's hole before ever trying to push in, small tight circles that were enough stimulation to actually make Kris's muscles twitch a little, to draw a soft sound from him. Though to be fair it didn't take much to make Kris make noise during sex.

If he'd known that months ago, he would've _known_ there was something was wrong between him and Katy before Kris ever had to break it to him.

"Okay," he whispered, less a warning than a strange little endearment as he kissed the inside of Kris's leg and then slowly began to slide a finger inside him, just one, even though he knew now he could start with two and Kris wouldn't protest. Just one finger and he slid it in absolutely as far as it could go with no hesitation, no worry about how Kris was going to react to it or how _he_ was going to react to it. He knew this territory now. Maybe not _well_ but he knew it. He knew what he was doing here.

A second finger came only once Cale had moved the first in and out a little, drawing some more soft sounds from Kris, getting a little delighted squirm out of him. Both went in just as smoothly as the first, Kris exhaling slowly and his whole body relaxing as he did. He was tight, but easy (though Cale knew enough not to use those exact words to describe him out loud), and Cale pushed and turned and twisted those fingers until Kris's noises were less restrained, more unabashed.

The neighbors were really going to hate them after this. They only way they could top it would be to rehearse some more after shouting out their orgasms.

"More," said Kris, though Cale still took this at his own pace, because he'd had a lot of time to think about it and he had a plan. A much better plan than the one that involved killing Kris if he decided he didn't want to do this tonight. He twisted those fingers some more, pushed them in deep, curled them a little, and only when he got a hitched gasp out of Kris did he pull them out and add another.

This part he was unsure of, not sure how far he needed to take this, not sure how he was going to know Kris was going to be ready for something that wasn't fingers. But three seemed reasonable, three seemed _fun_ , and if he thought Kris felt tight before it was nothing compared to how tight he felt now.

Cale imagined what that would feel like around his dick and felt a pulse of arousal go through him.

Three fingers got a whole new set of noises out of Kris, little gasps and soft moans and little hitched cries that Kris would probably be embarrassed about if he even realized he was making them. Cale loved them. He loved it all.

"Are you ready?" he said finally, fingers deep inside Kris's body and just holding there. "Kris?"

"I think so," he said, his voice sounding raw and breathless. "I want to try."

Cale had to pull his hand away to get the condom on, and he ripped the first one which got a creative set of curses out of him and a laugh out of Kris. "Yeah, _you_ try this with slick fingers," he said, and Kris said, "Maybe one of these days I will," and that, surprisingly, turned Cale on a little too.

Huh. That was interesting.

He finally did get it on, clumsily but effectively, and slicked himself down with lube. Maybe too much but it seemed like just enough, just enough that everything was just slick and easy but not sloppy. He returned his fingers to Kris's body, not so much because he thought Kris needed more prep but just to reassure himself that Kris hadn't somehow tightened up in the two minutes it took him to actually get the condom on.

"I'm ready," Kris reassured him, sounding more confident about it this time, and maybe Cale making him laugh, unintentionally as it might have been, was just the right thing.

"Okay," said Cale, and pulled his fingers out, and they'd talked about this, they'd decided on doing this face to face the first time as much as they decided on anything and as much as they could talk about it in a minute-long conversation, but now that he was faced with it he was unsure. For a total of two seconds until Kris pulled his legs apart and his knees up and Cale just moved right in.

Both his fingers and his cock were slippery and it was hard to line things up at first, but it didn't take five tries to get it in, it just took one. Kris let out a hiss and Cale almost stopped, hyperaware of every reaction, worried that this wasn't going to be as fantastic as everything else. For Kris, anyway, because Cale's dick was cheering. But Kris's expression was a mix of determination and curiosity and there was definitely still a little lust there so Cale kept going, slowly, steadily.

He heard another noise, low and shaky, and realized it was coming from himself this time, that he was in deep and it felt kind of amazing.

"Kris?" 

He looked up, still apprehensive, but then Kris _smiled_ at him and wrapped a leg around him and Cale had to smile back.

"Okay, this is awesome," Cale said, and leaned forward and started moving. It was slow and a little awkward but it was good too, and after a few minutes of shifting against each other, finding slightly different positions and trying them out, they finally settled against one another and Cale began to move inside him for real, slow sharp thrusts that sent little shocks of pleasure through his groin.

Kris actually looked a bit out of it, a little half-smile still on his face but looking miles away.

"You with me?"

"Yeah," said Kris, making the word a sigh. "It's so...keep going. You can go harder."

Cale certainly _could_ go harder, and at the slightest encouragement he did. It was so tight and so breathtaking and he wasn't hung up on this one thing, he called everything he and Kris did together that led to orgasm 'sex', but this was intimate on a whole new level. They wouldn't be something new after this, but maybe they'd have to start calling it what it was.

When he was going down on Kris, or jerking him off, or fingering him, Cale knew exactly what to do to get Kris off. Tonight it was a little harder, but in that small corner of his brain that wasn't focused on putting his dick in something, he tried. He angled himself differently until Kris gasped and squirmed, he scratched his fingers along Kris's skin, and finally he wrapped a hand around Kris's cock and started stroking him when it became clear he couldn't hold off his own orgasm for much longer.

"This is... _you're_ amazing," he said, and he gasped and shook and in the end he won the race in spite of his best efforts, but he managed to keep stroking Kris through his own orgasm, hard and fast, Kris's hips moving with him until he let out a strangled cry and spilled over Cale's fingers. Cale was still buried inside him, could feel Kris's muscles tighten and let out another gasp of his own as Kris's body squeezed him.

Kris looked like he wanted to say something but was struck speechless, or maybe he was just savoring the moment. Cale lay there for a few moments then finally moved away, pulling out carefully and taking care of the condom as quickly as his still-slippery fingers could because he just wanted that out of the way.

Kris lowered his legs and Cale was sort of struck breathless as he watched Kris stretch and squirm on the bed while he had it to himself.

"You're like pure sex," Cale murmured and Kris just smiled contentedly.

"Coming back?" he said, stretching an arm out invitingly. As if Cale had ever considered _not_ wrapping himself back around Kris as soon as he could. They were both a little sweaty, a little hot and slick, but it still felt good to touch him and hold him and share that body heat. 

"You good?" he said, kissing Kris's jaw.

"Yeah," said Kris. "Yeah, I'm...I feel a little weird. But it's a good weird. And before you ask, yes, I'll be able to walk tomorrow."

"I wasn't going to ask," said Cale with a little laugh, kissing closer to Kris's mouth. "What does weird mean?"

"I don't know," said Kris. "Just weird. Different." And Cale kind of got that he meant somehow emotionally different, but he didn't know how to ask about that.

"But good?"

"Definitely good," said Kris, brushing his fingers over Cale's shoulder then turning his head so they could actually kiss for a little while. "You think you would ever consider it?"

"What, you mean the other way around?" said Cale, choosing to kiss him some more before actually answering him. "Yeah. Of course. Maybe not tonight though."

"No, not tonight," said Kris, murmuring the words against his lips. "I was just wondering."

"I'd be willing to do just about anything with you," said Cale, and he kind of thought that said everything.

:::

It was weird to say, after all the time he'd spent on stage, that he'd never been on tour before. But it was true, Cale had never been on tour before, not really. And it wasn't even like it was that different from everything that had come before, but in his head something was different. There was a new kind of energy when he was on stage, or maybe that had something to do with who he was on stage with, hard to say.

It was all of them, though. They were all kind of revved up, full of energy, bouncing all over the stage. Except Ryland, but his job involved a lot of bouncing in place anyway so he was sort of covered.

"Cale, get over here," said Kris, and Cale didn't even have to think about it before he was getting out from behind the keyboard and heading downstage to where Kris was waiting to wrap an arm around his shoulders. Or attempt to, anyway, before giving in and going for his waist. "Now I'm pretty sure y'all know who this is—" Apparently, from the cheers, they did. Cale was sort of getting used to those few people who liked to call out his name during shows, enough to make him feel special, not so many that it went to his head. "—but on keys and guitar we have my buddy Cale, who's known me since I was just a dork that nobody would look twice at."

"Aw, once you got rid of the bowl cut I was willing to be seen in public with you," said Cale.

"There are so many facial hair jokes I could be making right here," said Kris, shaking his head at him. "Remember, later, that I took pity on you and didn't make them."

"We've seen pictures!" someone called out audibly from the audience, and Kris and Cale just looked at one another and cracked up.

"Guess you're going to have to find something else to hold over my head," said Cale, and Kris even managed to sneak in a pat on his ass as he moved away back to retrieve his guitar for the next song.

"Don't worry," Kris called after him, "I'll think of something."

"You always do," Cale called back as Kris moved on to introduce Torres on bass.

During Can't Stay Away Kris ended up on his knees in front of Cale, mouth open and looking ready to swallow his microphone, and Cale just did not want to know what the look on his face was saying. Maybe he'd been there before, but this time Kris knew exactly what he was doing and he did it anyway. He did it with a glint in his eye and, when his back was to the audience, a lick of his lips.

"Bad boy," Cale mouthed at him without missing a beat, and Kris just grinned back and bounced to his feet and carried on with his song.

Cale was really, really going to enjoy being on tour. But then, he was kind of enjoying everything these days.

:::

Bus sex was a terrible idea. Kris had never been shy with stories about the tour so Cale already knew that, and knew entirely too much about how some of the guys Kris had toured with felt about it. Adam always said there was no way he could do what he wanted to do in that tight of a space, and Anoop said you'd have to be super quiet since they could hear each other sniffle and shift against the sheets and wow, how loud would actual _sex_ be. Matt said it hurt his back.

Apparently the rest of the guys called bullshit on him but Kris had spotted him sneaking onto the bus with a girl once and had sort of herded the rest of the guys away from the bus for at least a few minutes. Cale kind of didn't need to know that.

But with the two of them on the bus together with a long ride ahead of them and with the rest of the guys crashing early—genuinely crashing, from the snores—Kris got an itch to try it.

"It could be a disaster," he said, though he had his hand on the front of Cale's jeans when he said it so he was really sending mixed signals there. "The guys could hear us."

"Or maybe they won't," said Cale. "I can be quiet. I could even...if you wanted to stuff something in my mouth."

"I know _you_ can be quiet," said Kris, and Cale almost blew the whole deal and laughed when he realized Kris was worried _he_ was going to make embarrassing noises and they'd have to spend the rest of their natural born lives trying to live it down.

"Can I gag you, then?" said Cale, licking his lips, and it was supposed to be a joke but then he looked at Kris's mouth and kind of really wanted to put something in it. In a completely non-dirty way. Okay, he wanted to put something in it in a dirty way too.

"Um," said Kris, and looked back over his shoulder at the bunks and holy shit, he was actually considering it. "Okay, yeah okay. I think that's the only way we're going to do this."

Cale licked his lips again and hoped they had something they could use other than socks or underwear because he didn't think either one of those was going to fly. "Your scarf," he said. "Your scarf, that'll work, your scarf."

Kris nodded and led the way into the bunks, to _his_ bunk, and Cale stood perfectly still for a moment trying to make sure that everyone was asleep, but he couldn't tell. He couldn't _know_. And that kind of made it all the more exciting.

Somehow he was going to have to make it back _out_ of the bunk too, afterwards, but he wasn't thinking about that right now. He was just quickly stripping down to make as little noise as possible once they got in there, throwing his clothes to the end of the bunk with Kris's and sliding inside. Kris was right behind him, scarf in hand.

Cale didn't want it in right away, though. It would just feel wrong not to lie together and press up against one another and kiss for a little while first. Kris's mouth was just made to...do things with. Innocent things and fun things and sexy things and dirty things too. Right now Cale was into the sexy things, kissing him slow and wet and smiling against him and lacing their fingers together and then kissing him some more.

"Maybe we can just do this," murmured Kris, sliding his leg against Cale's. And for a little while they could, but Cale was long since hard and he could feel that Kris was too, even if they weren't in a position to rub off against one another right now. That would be a mess and a half anyway, and definitely something they weren't going to get away with.

"I'm going to go down on you, okay?" said Cale, right up against Kris's ear, partly because it was hot and partly for purely pragmatic reasons. "In just a second. As soon as you're ready."

"I'll do you after," whispered Kris, sending a delicious shiver right through Cale's body. Okay, so it wasn't dirty talk exactly, but it was a little bit naughty, and for them, it was enough. "I'll suck you off afterwards. I can be quiet."

He was certainly quiet after Cale carefully gagged him with the scarf, making sure it wasn't too tight, making sure Kris was comfortable. And silent. "Okay," he murmured afterwards, keeping his voice so, so low. "Okay." He was more worried about the sound the sheets were making with two bodies sliding around on them, and moved slowly and carefully down the bed until he was hunched over and straddling Kris's legs and ready to bend down and take him into his mouth.

There was a noise deep in Kris's throat, something audible, and Cale grinned at him and lightly pinched his thigh, part acknowledgement and part warning. Then he licked up Kris's cock at a leisurely pace, swirling his tongue around every bit of it before letting it slide into his mouth. He felt like if Kris could have let out a deep sigh at that moment, he would have.

Instead of taking cues from the noises Kris was making, Cale had to rely on his hands, had to trust that Kris would stop him if he needed to, push him harder if he needed that, and generally let him know how things were going by the way Kris's hands were tangling in his hair. Now that Cale was used to this he kind of liked to take it slow, but tonight was not a night to take it slow. Tonight was a night to get Kris off, and to let Kris get him off, and then if he was lucky to wrap around one another and kiss for a long time again because that sounded like just about the best thing in the world.

After an orgasm, of course.

When he normally would have pulled off or at least slowed down, gone back to licking and given Kris a bit of a cooling off period before starting in again, this time Cale just grabbed a handful of Kris's ass and kept going, sucking him hard, pressing the flat of his tongue against him and feeling the head of Kris's cock bump against the back of his throat.

He kind of needed Kris to get off before he just started rutting against the bed himself and not only missed out on a great blowjob but also probably gave them away completely. But that didn't seem like it was going to be too hard. Kris was grabbing frantically at his hair and _not_ to get him to stop, and a moment later Cale felt the first hot splash against the back of his throat. 

He even swallowed without a second thought. He really was getting pretty awesome at this.

Afterwards he made sure Kris was clean, licking him while Kris squirmed beneath him, then moved back up the bed again and untied the scarf and kissed him even before Kris had a chance to catch his breath.

Kris panted for a little while, wet his lips and kissed Cale and scrubbed at the corner of his mouth with his thumb where it was either sore or had just collected saliva, or maybe both.

"Intense," he said after a few moments, just the one word delivered with a shiver and a little smile. "You sure you can keep quiet on your own?"

"There had to be one thing I'm better than you at," said Cale, and when Kris started moving down his body Cale did nothing but encourage him. It wasn't _easy_ to stay quiet when Kris was swallowing him down, and swallowing him down with such stealth, but Cale really was good at keeping his noises to himself.

Not his hands, though, his hands were all over Kris, wherever he could touch without making telltale sounds, without shifting so much fabric that their motions became suspicious. Maybe everyone else was asleep, but he was still conscious of everything.

Not so conscious, though, that he wasn't completely taken away when he came. Maybe he didn't cry out, maybe he didn't gasp or moan or whimper, but he did suck in such a huge breath that he felt dizzy with it. He wasn't even fully back to himself when he felt Kris's lips on his shoulder, then on his neck.

"Good boy," Kris whispered against his ear, and it was all Cale could do not to laugh. After staying silent through all of that, he wasn't going to give it away _now_.

"I can't stay," he said a few moments later, after Kris had been kissing him for a little while. "I can't fall asleep here."

"I know," said Kris. "Just a few more moments."

If everyone knew, Cale could have stayed, cramped and uncomfortable as it might have been. But that wasn't how it was.

:::

"We have ten minutes," said Cale. "Wanna do it?"

Kris looked at him, then at the door behind him, then at the mirror to the side of them. "What kind of a question is that even?" he said, reaching past him to lock the door. It wasn't much a dressing room, just a cubby, really, but it did the job. Kris could dress in it.

More importantly at the moment, Kris could undress in it.

"So that's a yes, then," said Cale, reaching for his shirt. "You just got dressed, didn't you?"

"It's not like it's complicated," said Kris. "I can put it back on in two minutes, tops. A minute if I'm pressed."

"Nine minutes, then," said Cale, pulling it off over his head. It messed up Kris's hair a little, but it was kind of hard to notice. Kris's hair pretty much always looked like that these days, and if it got bad enough he'd just shove a beanie on and didn't even care. That was the kind of guy Kris was.

That was part of the reason that Cale liked him as much as he did.

"Nine whole minutes," said Kris, yanking open his belt. "We've done it in five before. With nine minutes we can even get naked."

"I don't need you naked to go down on you," said Cale, "but I kind of like it."

"Yeah, I know you do," said Kris, stepping out of his jeans. He left his socks on, which was kind of unsexy but Cale didn't want to think about what was on this floor, actually. He wasn't keen on going barefoot on it either. "Don't get too distracted. You're the one who made the offer."

"And have I ever gone back on it before?" said Cale. "I won't get too distracted staring at you, I promise."

He pressed Kris up against the door, careful not to slam him so that nobody came looking, and dropped straight to his knees. It was the only reason he'd left his pants on—to cushion the blow when he went down. He didn't waste any time, just slid his mouth straight over Kris's already-hard cock and reached around to take a handful of his ass and pressed his tongue along the vein before sucking hard on the head, the way that always made Kris wail.

He should have thought about the wailing.

"Bite your fist or something," he said, letting Kris's cock slip out of his mouth only long enough to say those few words. And if anyone asked about the bite marks later...well, they'd worry about them later. Kris could say he got his hand caught in anything. No one could prove it was a bite mark, after all. And if they could, well, at least it was Kris's own teeth.

As if they were going to do a cast of his teeth to prove it.

Cale swallowed him down again before he could think about this too hard, let him slide right back to his throat, as far as he could before his gag reflex kicked in (and maybe he would work on that one of these days but the idea of deep throating was still one that intimidated him, still something Other People did but not him). One hand still clutching at Kris's ass, he used the other to fondle his balls because Kris would never admit it out loud—as if Kris ever said all that much of this out loud—but he really liked that too.

Some how, Cale had come to know an awful lot about what Kris Allen liked in bed. It didn't scare him much to realize that at all. It just kind of turned him on, because as much as he knew about Kris, Kris kind of knew a lot about what _he_ liked too.

He wasn't counting minutes at this point, but he knew they didn't have much time at all, and that every thought was another second passing them by. He clutched him and fondled him and sucked him hard and rubbed him with his tongue until he heard Kris gasp around his fist, felt him arch off the door to push just a little further down his throat, and just when Cale was worried he was going to have to pull back Kris was coming, hot and hard enough to feel it.

He swallowed quickly and let Kris slip out of his mouth again and paused to gasp for breath.

"Sorry," whispered Kris, as though there was anything to be sorry for.

"Only be sorry if we used up all our time on you," said Cale, licking his stomach playfully until Kris squirmed and petted his hair. "If I have to go on stage hard...."

"Again."

"If I have to go on stage hard _again_...."

"There were some really good pictures of that," said Kris. "I saved them."

"I wonder what people would think if they knew how naughty you really are," said Cale, and pulled off his pants. 

He wouldn't thrust at all, because Kris needed to be singing, and he would even let Kris pull off if he needed to. Even though they very rarely did that. Okay, pretty much never. They'd started out swallowing and just never turned back. But they usually did this _after_ a show, and not a few minutes before they were due to warm up.

"Are you going to be the one to tell them?" said Kris, and it was so completely adorable to Cale, still, that he blushed a little bit when people said that about him. As if he and Cale hadn't been fooling around—okay, a lot more than fooling around—for weeks, even months, now. They were doing things that Kris couldn't even say, or maybe he could say them just fine and he knew Cale liked to see him blush.

But all coherent thoughts on the subject were cut short when Kris dropped to his knees, using Cale's pants to cushion him, and started licking up his cock. Licking, not sucking. Licking right from root to tip, licking at the head, licking along the vein, pressing his tongue to the cluster of nerves and rubbing it enough to make Cale hiss and almost swear from the sparks of pleasure.

"I'm going to come all over your face, if you keep that up," said Cale.

"Maybe," said Kris, and kept it up.

Cale tried to hold off, he did, but Kris's mouth was insistent and Cale's body was desperate and they were working against a clock here.

"Do it," murmured Kris and he had his cheek pressed to the head of Cale's cock, licking around the rim, and that was what did it. Cale choked on his next breath and came, streaks of it along Kris's cheek, dripping onto his chin, and even in his hair.

"Shit."

"Guess I need to clean up now," said Kris, licking his lips, but as soon as he stood up Cale was taking Kris's face between his hands and licking his cheek. He didn't even think about it, just licked him and sucked at his skin and cleaned all of it up. If he thought about it too hard he might stop, and they were both too into it to want to stop. Kris was still going to have to wash his face afterwards, but because it was sticky with saliva and not anything else.

Cale kissed him afterwards, for as long as he dared before he had to pull his clothes on and straighten up and try to look like he hadn't just come on Kris Allen's face.

Kris had water droplets on his eyelashes when he turned back to Cale, and Cale kissed those away too.

"One minute," said Kris. "That was good. We even have time for afterglow."

"We're getting pretty good at this," agreed Cale, and they took advantage of every second of it.

:::

Kris was still sleeping when Cale snuck into his room, leaving the light off and letting the door snick closed quietly behind him. Kris was supposed to be up by now anyway, but he had the blackout curtains closed and not even the vibration of his phone was making him budge. Cale almost didn't have the heart to wake him.

Finally he pushed the covers up over Kris's feet, spread near the foot of the bed and taking up an impossible amount of space for someone his size, like a cat or something. Once upon a time, when they were younger, when they were just college friends who hung out and did work together and sometimes crashed after parties, Cale would've tickled his feet. He wouldn't have even had to think about it.

Now, instead, he dropped to his knees and kissed the inside of Kris's ankle, caressing the top of Kris's foot with his thumb and trying not to feel ridiculous. Nobody could see him. Not even Kris. No one could see him acting like a total lovestruck dork or something, who kissed his whatever's ankles when he was sleeping.

Kris shifted in his sleep and Cale almost took a heel to the jaw until he caught Kris's ankle in his hand and held him there, pushing the blankets up a little bit higher and kissing the side of his calf.

He wondered if Kris was wearing anything, and wondered if it would be inappropriate to find out. Sure he'd seen Kris in just about every way possible, but this was some kind of new frontier of intimate and they hadn't talked about these kinds of boundaries yet.

Actually, they kind of hadn't _talked_ about much.

Cale moved to the other side, kissing almost as far as Kris's knee before he finally heard Kris's drowsy voice go, "That better be Cale."

"That would've been way funnier if you'd said 'that better be Andrew'," said Cale, giving his leg one last kiss before sitting back to look at him. Kris just kind of let out a muffled laugh into his pillow before even turning his head to look at him.

"What're you doing?" he said, squinting and looking adorably sleepy as he scratched his chin and then stretched one arm out over his head, fingers scrabbling against the wall as he stretched them too.

"I'm not sure," admitted Cale, pulling the blankets down past his feet again and then standing up at the foot of the bed. "Waking you up?"

"Could've just called," said Kris, groping the night stand for something, probably his phone that had stopped vibrating.

"Yeah, I think someone tried that," said Cale. "You must've been tired."

"Hm, someone kept me up late," mumbled Kris, and finally settled on his glasses, taking two tries to get them on and even then they were crooked.

Cale couldn't just stand there watching anymore, and moved around the side of the bed to fix them before Kris could. Kris just batted at his hand and yawned.

"I'm not late for anything, right? Someone would've woken me up if I was late for something."

"And it wouldn't have been by kissing you," said Cale.

"You were kissing my feet?" said Kris, still a little blearily though he was clearly actually waking up. Now that Cale was close he could see sleep creases on his cheek. "You're so weird. You had me at your mercy."

"Yeah, I was just debating whether or not to take advantage of that when you woke up," said Cale, kneeling by the side of the bed again so he could kiss Kris's lips this time. It felt a little awkward that he was completely dressed and Kris...well, he wasn't wearing a shirt, that much Cale could tell. Probably boxers, though. This was a hotel bed and not his own.

"I would've taken advantage of you," said Kris, finally sitting up and stretching a little more. "Maybe I will, now that you've got the idea in my head."

"You'd have to get up first," said Cale, "and that's just never going to happen."

"I'm sneaky," said Kris, reaching for his water bottle next. "You'll never see it coming. What time is it anyway?"

"After seven," said Cale, searching for the alarm clock then finally just checking his watch. "Seven-thirty almost."

"Aww, shit," said Kris. "Is Lizzie mad?"

"If Lizzie was mad she'd be in here herself," said Cale, stealing the water when Kris was done with it and draining most of the rest. "What would she be mad about even?"

He finally found his way to his phone, checking to see who'd been calling. But he guessed it wasn't anything super important because Kris just put it back down again and reached for Cale's wrist. 

"So did you come here just to be weird and kiss my feet," he said, "or were you looking for something else?"

"No, just the feet," said Cale. "I'm gonna go now, actually. It's just not the same now that you're awake."

"Shut up," said Kris, grinning at him and tugging him closer to the bed, practically onto it. "Were you gonna wake me up?"

"I was kind of hoping you were already going to be awake, actually," said Cale. "I have all these moral issues about sucking you off when you're sleeping."

"Hey, if you want to do that when I'm sleeping, you go ahead," said Kris. "That's, like, permission forever. If we're alone. If we're not alone then maybe you shouldn't."

"Because that would be weird."

"And awkward," said Kris. "And then there'd be pictures on the internet and it'd all be a big mess."

"And what if it wasn't a good one, right?" said Cale. "I'd have to have my worst blowjob ever immortalized. That would just suck."

"Nice choice of words," said Kris, finally pushing the covers back. So he was wearing boxers after all, the ones with the black polka dots on them. Cale smiled.

"You're smiling at my shorts and not my dick, aren't you?" said Kris. "Because if you smile at my dick like that, that's just weird. It's not there for your amusement."

"No, it's there for _your_ amusement," said Cale. "So how about now? Or are we having a no-sex morning?"

"I don't believe in no-sex mornings," said Kris. "Especially not when nobody's rushing me out the door. Nobody's rushing me out the door, right?"

"I think they want you to get dressed first," said Cale. "I don't know. Everyone's down at breakfast. I said I had stuff to do."

"You do have stuff to do," said Kris, and he patted his thigh and Cale just had to laugh.

"I like you when you're sleepy," he said, and Kris just smiled at him and Cale finally joined him on the bed. Fully dressed. _He_ probably wasn't getting any this morning, but that was okay. It didn't always have to be like that. Sometimes he could just give Kris a good morning blowjob and it didn't have to turn into anything else.

And that was a whole new kind of intimate for them too. Actually, it was a whole new kind of intimate for Cale in general.

"Just lie back," said Cale, and Kris didn't seem to have any complaints about that. He seemed like he was still only half awake anyway, and as soon as he was lying back his glasses were askew again and Cale couldn't help kissing him before pulling down his shorts. Even with morning breath. He didn't even care.

"You're the best," said Kris, and scratched his fingers fondly over Cale's arm as Cale pulled his shorts down just to mid-thigh, not even all the way off. "If you could wake me up like this every day...."

"Don't push your luck," said Cale, but if they woke up together every day, if Cale didn't have to sneak into his room like this, then maybe...maybe it would be nice. As it was he didn't waste any more time. Kris was half hard already and Cale kissed him the rest of the way, Kris's skin warm from sleep and a little damp along the creases of his legs. He licked those, and licked up his cock when it was hard.

Kris just sighed, a kind of a content, happy sigh, and let his fingertips brush over Cale's cheek, then his hair, just wandering over him.

It wasn't reckless and passionate it was just...nice. It felt _really good_. When Cale started sucking him off it just felt _natural_ in some kind of a weird way. He was sort of half hard in his pants but he didn't feel desperate or anything, he could wait. He just wanted to do this.

Eventually Kris started to make those little gaspy noises, his breath hitching in his throat and his fingers moving a little more desperately against Cale's skin, fingernail catching along his shoulder. And Cale just slipped a hand between Kris's legs, rolled his balls in the palm of his hand and slid a finger between his cheeks to just press at his hole. Kris was coming moments later, and Cale was completely ready for that.

As Cale pulled away and licked his lips, as he wiped his hand on the bedspread just out of habit and looked up at Kris, he saw he had his eyes closed and he was smiling. No, he was laughing a little.

"What?" said Cale, feeling a little languid himself now despite the fact that Kris was the one who'd just gotten off. "Come on, what?"

"Nothing," said Kris, eyes still closed, reaching blindly for him and grazing his fingertips along Cale's arm. "Good morning."

"Isn't it?" said Cale, stretching out next to him again, still entirely clothed. He ran his hand down the center of Kris's chest almost absently, and completely comfortably.

"Do you want me to—?"

"Nah, it's okay," said Cale, and it wasn't like he was going to say _no_ if Kris insisted, it wasn't like he wasn't turned on right now, but it was kind of nice to just lie here too. To get Kris off and be with him and not actually have any other expectations.

He'd sort of never had that before. He sort of never wanted to go without it anymore.

:::

Spending so much time in LA, and being so busy the rest of the time he hardly even remembered what state he was in, Cale didn't really notice the changing of the seasons like he used to. But one day he looked up and took a deep breath and realized they were well into summer now. Hot, sunny summertime.

They weren't performing for about five hours, and no way was Cale going to be here and not enjoy the foods of summer. Cotton candy and funnel cakes and stuff on a stick. Food on a stick was automatically awesome.

He had already enjoyed meat on a stick and ice cream on a stick and was currently enjoying cotton candy on a stick when Andrew caught up with him hovering by the line for the roller coaster. Not in it, because after that much food on a stick he wasn't sure his stomach could handle it for at least an hour, but watching the ride.

"You're in a good mood," said Andrew. "You got some of that to share with the rest of us?"

"The mood, or the spun sugar?" said Cale. "Actually, never mind, there's plenty of both to go around. Why shouldn't I be in a good mood?"

"Well, I think your shoulders are getting sunburned, for one," said Andrew, pressing a cold finger into Cale's admittedly warm shoulder.

"I prefer to think of that as a red-hued tan," said Cale, trying to get a look. At worst, it was slightly pink. "I put sunscreen on." Or had had it put on him, anyway, before he'd headed out into the sunshine. Best part of his day so far. Not counting the food on a stick.

"Not enough," said Andrew. "Guitar strap's going to hurt like a bitch."

"It's not like I'm going to be shirtless on stage," said Cale. Though it was actually something he was considering now. Kris would probably kill him, but then more than make up for it later. Maybe kill him _then_ thank him. He knew if Kris decided to pull his own shirt off on stage, it would kill _him_ a little. "Cotton candy?"

"I've already been stealing it while you weren't looking," said Andrew, taking another hunk and stuffing half of it in his mouth, staining his lips pink and blue. "You're so easily distracted."

"So many shiny things," agreed Cale, as the light glinting off the roller coaster railings caught his eye. "I just can't help myself."

"All the better for me to take advantage," said Andrew. "I like how cheerful you are. And not just because of the opportunities for larceny."

"Uh, thank you, I think," said Cale.

"Apparently the touring life agrees with you."

Of course, there were a lot of reasons he was in a good mood, not the least of which was the fact that they were back in a hotel tonight, and Kris would be waiting for him there after the show. Possibly waiting naked if he got back first, which was the best way to wait. That was definitely good-mood-making.

Not that Cale could tell anyone that. Not even Andrew. Maybe especially not anyone in the band.

"So are you getting in line or not?" said Andrew. "Because I want to ride this baby."

"Unless you want me to throw up on you, I think you're on your own there," said Cale. "So much food, so little time."

"You can just stand in line with me, then, so I don't get bored," said Andrew. 

"You just want to steal more of my cotton candy," said Cale.

"Busted."

"Too bad I already finished off the peanuts and the...oh wait, actually I do have a couple of mini-donuts left, but they're kind of squished," said Cale.

"Hey, I'm not picky," said Andrew, and Cale just cheerfully handed one over.

And maybe he couldn't know why but Andrew was definitely right. Cale was in a permanently good mood, and there was very little that could put a damper on that.

:::

It finally happened when they were at Niagara Falls, which Torres thought was just _hilarious_. Seriously, they were never going to hear the end of it.

They weren't even thinking about it. Or, as would later be pointed out, they weren't thinking at all. It wasn't even that it was a romantic spot (seriously, Torres was just never going to get over that) or that they were feeling particularly romantic. One moment they were just standing side by side doing that touristy thing with the whole entourage around, someone filming their adventure on a little flip camera and getting damp with spray, and then the next moment they were leaning towards one another, stopping just shy of a kiss.

They weren't even thinking about it. It just happened.

And then, instead of casually pulling away like normally people, they just hovered there, staring at each other like each was waiting for the other to pull away first. Cale didn't even know why he did it, it just happened that way.

"Wait, seriously?" said Andrew, and Torres just _cracked up_.

Cale facepalmed and Kris ducked his head as he took a (small) step back, and Torres was still laughing.

"I can't believe we just did that," said Kris.

"Okay, sightseeing's over," said Lizzie. "I think it's time to go back to the hotel to rest up before the show, don't you?"

"Wait," said Kris, though. "Wait. Can we just...I'm not finished enjoying this place. We don't have to go yet. There's no reason to go yet."

"Oh, you were enjoying it all right," said Torres, but it was Andrew who backed them up.

"I'll chaperone," he said, with a tiny little smirk. "I'm not done enjoying this place either."

"We're not going to—" Cale started, then had to laugh. "Okay, we're not going to _again_."

And so they finished up checking out the falls in the end, and they let their hands brush up against each other like stupid lovestruck teenagers but they didn't do anything else. Not in front of anyone, anyway. To make up for the aborted kiss they did find a moment of semi-seclusion, because now that the idea was in their heads, they kind of did want to kiss by the falls. For kicks.

"So is this going to be a thing?" said Lizzie when they did get back to the hotel, holding an impromptu meeting. "Do we need to talk to Gina?"

"Not now," said Kris. "Not yet. So...don't put that stuff up on youtube or anything."

"No, do it. Put it on youtube," said Cale, and in the midst of a pair of incredulous looks he went on, "No, hear me out, okay? If it's going to get out anyway, we can do it first. We put it up on youtube and it goes viral, and it would be making a statement without making a statement. Because it's kind of official, but not all stuffy. Everyone would know that it didn't go up by accident, but it would feel kind of secret and special anyway. Best of both worlds."

"Yeah, if you want to be tabloid fodder," said Kris. "They'd make out like it was a secret affair."

"It kind of was," said Cale. "I'm just saying."

"Yeah, but that makes it sound all...."

"Secret, and an affair?"

"Neither of us were involved with anyone else when it started," said Kris, which was a fair point, if not the main point of this conversation. "I don't want anyone saying we were."

Kris was still married, technically, but separated for long enough now that it wouldn't be scandalous for him to be seeing someone else. And Cale...he wasn't sure when he'd transitioned from missing Kate as his girlfriend to just missing hanging out with her but it was definitely a point he'd passed a while ago.

"People are going to say whatever they want to say," said Cale. "They always have. It never bothered you before."

Okay, it bothered him before, but it never stopped him. Even if no one else really noticed, Cale could tell when Kris was bothered and trying to hide it. People always talked about Kris not being able to hide anything, but Kris hid everything when he didn't think it was any of anyone's business.

"Yeah, but that was just about me," he said. "This would be about you."

"But did you think we were never going to tell?" said Cale. "Because, I mean, there was never going to be a time when it wasn't like this."

"I didn't even know you _wanted_ to tell," said Kris.

"Okay, I feel like I shouldn't be here for this conversation," said Lizzie, with impeccable timing and instinct. "I'm going to get a cup of coffee downstairs. One of you can call me when you figure out what page you're on."

She wasn't asking them if they needed this time, she was telling them they needed this time, and Cale had to agree. He didn't say anything else until the door closed and it was just him and Kris in a room where there was no feasible way they could put off the conversation and have sex on the conference table. Even though the thought crossed his mind.

"I didn't," said Cale. "I didn't want to tell yet. But I didn't want to tell never. I mean...."

"You mean what?" said Kris. "Because I don't think I know what you mean."

"I mean we're not just having sex," said Cale. "You know that, right?"

"Of course I know that!" said Kris. "I don't know what to call it, but it's never been just that, not really."

"Why is it so hard to figure out what to call it?" said Cale, and he wasn't even sure where this was coming from, but now that it was coming it was coming hard. "We're involved. We're dating. We're boyfriends. Why am I the one who finds it so easy to say this when you're the one who's known he was into guys his whole life?"

"We're not actually dating," said Kris, which really wasn't the point. Cale just frowned at him. "If we said something, though, if we said something then we _could_ date. I don't even know where I'd take you on a date. You'd probably try to open doors for me or something because I'm shorter than you."

"Shut up," said Cale, but at least that turned his frown into a smile again. "We've been dating forever. For months. We've been dating in everything but name, but everyone expects you to be that affectionate with your friends so no one got it. Except me, apparently."

"I'm not sure whether we're fighting or not," said Kris. "Are we fighting?"

"I'm trying to get you to admit you're my boyfriend," said Cale, "because I'm kind of in love with you and I'd really like to hear it. I don't think that's a fight. I hope that's not a fight. It shouldn't be."

"You have the worst timing ever," said Kris, but Cale knew him, he knew him really well, and he could see Kris was on the verge of cracking up.

"I have bad timing?" said Cale. "You told me you were into me by blowing me backstage after a show. You couldn't think of a better way to do _that_?"

"Not at the time, no," admitted Kris, sliding his chair closer to Cale now that they weren't trying to keep a respectable distance for propriety's sake. Even if they definitely weren't going to do the sex-on-a-conference-table thing. "So yeah, I love you too. I really do. And I didn't plan to tell you like _this_ , but I'd feel like a real jerk if I didn't let you know that after you did it first."

"And the boyfriend thing?"

"Yeah, I guess I'm that too," said Kris. "And that wasn't a grudging yes, either, I just really didn't know what to call what we were. It doesn't feel like anything I've had before."

"Well yeah," said Cale, "it's all new, but that doesn't make it all special and nothing anything in the world's ever had before us. Our love isn't a special snowflake."

"Shut up," said Kris, and reached for his hand. "Do you really want to tell people?"

"Not yet," admitted Cale. "Not today. But when we do, I want to do it like that. I want it to not be an announcement or a huge deal. As much as we can."

"I like low-key," said Kris, which wasn't anything Cale didn't already know. "I think we've got a lot of people we need to tell before that happens, though."

"Wow, yeah," said Cale, and sure he'd thought about that, but only as a sort of an abstract, future concept. Talking about it now made it real. "Maybe that...maybe that we should start."

"Are you sure?"

"We're doing this, aren't we?" said Cale. "If we're together, then I guess we'd better be ready to tell people about it unless we want it to have secret affair status forever. If we can't do that, then maybe we have a lot to think about."

"I can do that," said Kris. "I'm not ashamed of being with you."

"Me neither," said Cale. "So...I guess we both know what we want to do, then."

"I'll call Lizzie back in," said Kris. But not before Cale gave him a long kiss that just restated a lot of things they'd already, finally said. They were together. And they were ready for this.

:::

Apparently Katy wasn't really all that surprised when Kris told her, which maybe told Cale more about their relationship—or sex life—than he was really comfortable knowing. Adam was way more surprised—which basically killed any notions Cale had about the existence of gaydar—and insisted that Kris bring him along the next time they got together in LA. But Cale didn't have any idea when or if Kris was planning on telling his parents when he decided that he didn't want to put off telling his own.

Whatever happened, happened, and putting it off any longer wasn't going to make it easier.

His parents were reasonably open-minded people, and they'd never given him any reason to think they possessed the kneejerk prejudices he knew a lot of people had, but that didn't actually make this easy. Cale was a pretty open-minded person too, but it had still taken him a while to get used to the idea of certain things.

He called them in the early evening from his hotel room, a day off when Kris had PR duties but the rest of the band just got to hang out or rehearse or take care of anything they needed to take care of. Cale usually went with Kris on these days, but today he begged off without saying why.

It was definitely not the easiest conversation he'd ever had. He hadn't anticipated all the questions, all the insinuations that the touring lifestyle and all the people he'd met had changed him, that somehow this wasn't really _him_ but the fault of some kind of negative influence. And this despite the fact that Kris was one of the most decent people _they_ knew, too.

He ended the call feeling both loved and judged, and that left an uneasiness he couldn't seem to shake. He wouldn't say he'd had a charmed life. He'd had his problems, he'd had his difficulties, but he always knew where he could go and who he could go to for help. This time he wasn't so sure.

"What did you do?" said Kris when he met Cale back up in his room later. And at that, too, Cale felt a wave of uneasiness that something had gone wrong somewhere. But then Kris went on, "That came out wrong. I didn't mean _you_ had done anything wrong, just...."

"No, I know," said Cale, though his knowing had been in his head and not in his gut until Kris had clarified. "I did do something, though."

"You told someone," said Kris, and it wasn't really a question. 

"My parents," said Cale, nodding slowly. "I had to. I should've talked to you first."

"You didn't need my permission," said Kris, but Cale shook his head.

"I know," he said, "but I should've talked to you first. I wasn't ready for that, I just didn't know it." And that was the problem, wasn't it. He ran a hand over his face and let the truth of that sink in. He knew that whatever had gone on between him and his parents was something they could work on, and he loved them as much as they loved him. He just wasn't ready to talk about it yet, which kind of sucked because he was obviously ready to _do_ it. He felt ready. He'd been sure he was ready.

"So what happened?"

Cale shrugged. "It wasn't terrible," he said. "They aren't your biggest fans right now, though. I should've waited. Even a couple more weeks, and I would've known what to say to some of their questions. I just got it in my head that I wanted to get it over with."

"And you did," said Kris. "That's got to feel at least a little bit good."

"Maybe tomorrow it will," said Cale. "Today it just feels like my family thinks a little less of me than they did yesterday. I'm playing concerts all over the world, but apparently there are some things that matter more."

"I'm sure they don't," said Kris. "Not in the long run. I've met your family. I like your family. I'm sure they just need some time. If you didn't see this whole thing coming, I'm pretty sure they didn't either."

"Have you...?"

Kris shook his head. "But now I feel like a real coward because I haven't," he admitted. "I figured I'd do it next time I'm home. You know, face to face."

"That's probably smart," said Cale. "Smarter than me." Instead of arguing, Kris just leaned in and kissed him. "You're not going to fix this by having sex with me."

"Are you sure?" said Kris. "Maybe it'll remind you everything that's good about this whole thing, to make today's conversation worthwhile."

"The good stuff happens outside of bed, too," said Cale, but of course Kris had just been kissing him so Cale's body had already starting paying attention, and he scowled at his stiffening cock. "And you're no help."

"Just to take the edge off," said Kris. "Because you're all tense and I'm all tense and we should just do it now and talk afterwards. If you still want to."

"I don't know if I will," said Cale. "I've been thinking about it all day. I don't want to think about it anymore."

"Even better reason, then," said Kris, unbuttoning his shirt. "You need a break from it. I'm here to give you a break from it. Because that's what boyfriends do. See what I did there?"

And finally, Cale had to smile. "It _is_ worth it," he said. "You know, even when the conversation kind of sucked and I wasn't ready for the questions they were asking me, it was still worth it."

"Then maybe you were readier than you thought you were," said Kris, "and we can go over some practice questions before the next time you guys talk. But right now I'm just going to...." He reached for Cale's belt, slowly undoing it.

"You were going to finish that with 'suck your cock' right?" said Cale. "I really hope that's where that sentence was going."

"Going to do something with it, anyway," said Kris, "and that's a promise."

"And don't tease," said Cale, running his hand through Kris's hair and over his cheek. Normally he would never ask, because that was half the fun, but tonight...tonight he just wanted something more straightforward. He wanted something predictable and familiar.

"Wasn't planning to," said Kris, pulling the belt right out of his pants and leaning in to kiss Cale again, soft and slow and tender. "I just want to get you naked."

Strictly speaking nakedness wasn't required for a blowjob, but then strictly speaking Kris never said that was where he was going with this, and truth be told Cale kind of wanted to get naked anyway. Not because he was suddenly over it all and ready to fuck, but because if he was naked then he could really wrap his arms around Kris and feel Kris pressed up close to him.

And maybe that was exactly what Kris had in mind too.

When he was stripped bare, and not just of his clothes, the way he was feeling, Kris led him to the bed and lay him out there and tangled their legs together as he started kissing him again. Kissing him and not stroking him off yet but just fondling him a little, just being handsy with him in a way that was about two steps beyond what he would've done before they started all of this, when they were still just friends.

"You really are the best person I know," said Cale, putting his hands on either side of Kris's face and just kissing him. Kissing him until his lips were swollen and sore from it, but his heart felt infinitely better. And finally, as their faces hovered as close as they could without touching, Kris finally started stroking him.

"I'm going to go down on you," he murmured against Cale's cheek, almost like an apology that they were going to stop kissing for a little while so that Kris could put his mouth somewhere else. And Cale didn't stop him, not at first, but then he tugged a little on Kris's hair just as Kris was nosing at his groin, to get his attention.

"Turn around," he said. "Turn around so we can both...."

"That might not work," Kris warned him. "We might not line up."

"That's okay," said Cale. "I'm sure I'll find something else to do with my mouth and your body. I just want to...you know? I need to."

And those were apparently the magic words today, not that Cale said that to be manipulative. He just really did want to have his hands and face and mouth on Kris's body right now, in any way they could make that work. He ached to have Kris's mouth on his cock, he wasn't going to deny that, but he didn't want to feel disconnected with him, only able to touch his hair or his shoulders or his mouth if he was lucky.

He sank his teeth into Kris's ass cheek a little when it got near enough, and Kris gave a sharp, surprised laugh before finally sliding his mouth down over Cale's cock and sucking on the head, gently, the way he liked to do when he was just getting started. The way Cale very much liked him to do it, sending a signal to his body that this was the real deal now.

Kris wasn't wrong that this didn't quite work, but Cale would make it up to him after. Right now he kissed Kris's thighs, stroked him a little but and tentatively licked a couple of stripes up Kris's ass. Then, when that went over pretty well, Cale bit his lip a little then spread Kris's cheeks, really checking him out and not just fingering him blind.

Kris was making some crazy sounds as he went down on him now, his teeth just grazing Cale's cock but not in a painful way, just in a way that said even though he was driving Kris a little wild, Kris was being careful and a little daring too.

Cale was probably going to save the real thing for the next time they showered together, because there were definitely some limits to his own bravery right now, but at the same time he was starting to feel like there weren't any real limits between him and Kris. Starting to really feel like he could stop telling himself _this_ is okay but _that_ is something that other people do, because they could do anything.

And with that thought in mind he gave just one darting, tentative lick at Kris's hole.

Kris made another strangled sound and practically swallowed Cale down, and that was where Cale's concentration failed him because his balls were tightening and his gut was fluttering and orgasm was definitely imminent. He panted a couple of times and nipped at Kris's ass again, leaving a red mark this time, then gave him one more, slightly less tentative lick before Kris hummed against his cock and swallowed and Cale's orgasm hit hard.

It was all he could do to cling to Kris's thighs and pant and moan softly as Kris kept swallowing till he was done. But then Kris let Cale's softening cock slip from his mouth and panted a little himself and braced himself on one elbow as he reached down to fist his own cock.

"Please don't stop," he said, sounding like the words were almost hard to get out. Sounding faintly embarrassed which was the last thing Cale wanted him to be. "I know it's a little weird and new but oh my God, please don't stop."

And so even if Cale wasn't ready to really tongue him hard there, he spread Kris's cheeks with both hands and licked up against his hole again and it wasn't really that weird. It wasn't weirder than any other sex thing they did. Kris gasped and squirmed and jerked himself hard and fast until, before long at all, Cale felt his come splash down against his chest.

"Mmmm," he said instead of trying to make words, giving him one last lick and then sinking his teeth into Kris's ass again because he really kind of liked that. And Kris seemed to too.

It was an awkward position to sustain for long, and as soon as he could Kris was turning himself around again and stretching out half on top of Cale. Cale was going to suggest maybe they _don't_ kiss, all things considered, but Kris had no hesitation at all. Cale didn't even have the time to get a single word out before Kris's lips were on him again, hot and even more swollen, and if Kris was tasting himself on Cale, well, Cale was tasting himself in Kris's mouth too and _that_ wasn't weird either.

"That," said Kris, "was _so good_. Seriously, so good. I didn't even know. We've totally, you know, had sex like that and I still didn't know how good _that_ was going to feel."

"It just seemed like a good idea at the time," said Cale. "I wouldn't mind...if we did it again some time. I'd do it again."

"If I didn't already love you, I'd probably love you for that," said Kris. "Oh wow, I made a mess all over you. We should clean you up."

"Did you just suggest a shower?" said Cale. "You?"

"Well, they're a lot less wasted time when we do it together," said Kris. "I'm just saying."

"You make a compelling argument," said Cale. "And as soon as I can stand up again, I'm absolutely going to do that with you."

"Yeah, I'm not sure my legs are working right now," admitted Kris. "You broke me a little bit with that. In the good way."

"Pretty soon we're going to work our way up to acrobatics," said Cale. "Or at least something kinky. Kinki _er_. Since that was a little...."

"Yeah, that was a little kinky," agreed Kris, biting on his own lip, then Cale's. "It was kinky for us."

But then again, their relationship had started with a blowjob in a semi-public place, so maybe it wasn't really that kinky after all. Maybe it was just new. Just like Cale felt like there wasn't really anything to keep them from doing things like that anymore, he felt like maybe kinky was a word that he'd been applying a little too liberally all his life. Maybe he'd just been really vanilla and everyone else was doing all kinds of things all along.

"I don't think there are many things I'd say no to," he said, giving Kris's lower lip a little nip in return. "I mean it."

"I don't want to take advantage—"

"No, don't," said Cale. "This isn't about that. This is just about you and me and what we are. I'm not going to go all sappy and speechy on you, I'm just saying. It's all good. When we're together, it's all good."

And wasn't that what Kris had been trying to show him from the beginning anyway? It was worth it, those battles in life, those fights he was going to have to fight, because it was a good thing they had. Because it wasn't just a good thing for them, but because it was it was a good thing. Period. Because even if it was something he felt like he shouldn't have to fight for, it was worth the fight.

"I have a lot to think about," he said, "but I'm not having any doubts here. If you were worried."

"I wasn't," said Kris, nuzzling into his throat and wrapping an arm over his chest, which was starting to get a little itchy, actually. "I was worried _about_ you, but not _for_ us. You told me off pretty soundly on that point already. I know I have nothing to worry about."

And God, that felt good to hear. It felt _right_ to hear, which just made Cale feel more and more like this thing with Kris was the right thing for him. For them. He used to tell himself that it had come out of nowhere, but that might've been the biggest lie he'd ever told himself. It hadn't come out of nowhere, it had come out of everywhere, and if he hadn't seen it coming that was because he hadn't been paying enough attention at the time.

"Shower," he said a few moments later, because he was really starting to feel kind of gross. "And if you need added incentive, just think about where I might be willing to put my tongue after we've scrubbed down.

"I didn't need added incentive," murmured Kris against his throat, "but that is very, very good to know. And I'm going to cry or something if you don't follow through. You have no idea, Cale."

"Well, maybe you'll have to give me an idea some time," he said. "But for now, let me get some more practice in. Come on. Let's go."

:::

It got better. Not overnight, and not with one conversation, but it got better. And when they had a show in Little Rock and Kris took the opportunity to sit down with his parents (alone, saving bringing Cale home with him for next time), Cale was actually in a place where he had some advice to offer, even if Kris's parents weren't his parents and the situation wasn't entirely the same.

Kris said they kind of weren't surprised. About the guys thing, not about the Cale thing—apparently they were _very_ surprised about the Cale thing. The him thing. But only because they were surprised about _him_ and not Kris. And maybe about why, if it was him, it hadn't happened between them years ago.

Cale could answer that, though, and it was an easy one—they weren't ready then. _He_ wasn't ready then. The timing was all wrong for them in college.

But now...however it happened, the timing was all right.

"So can I expect a dinner invitation?" he said as he and Kris made their way back to the group suite. "Or should I keep my distance for a while?"

"They're my family," said Kris. "They're not going to exclude you. They want to be a part of my—of our—lives."

"So that's a yes on the dinner," he said, though he could imagine just how awkward it was going to be that first time. And probably any number of subsequent times. Showing up as friend and showing up as boyfriend were two very, very different things.

They used the group suite in the hotel as a multi-purpose chill-rehearse-do-business room, so everyone seemed to just migrate there when they weren't tied up somewhere else. It was maybe one of the best decisions they'd made on the tour, to always have a collective place for all of them when they stopped for any length of time so they didn't have to invade one person's room or another; it was just the kind of group they were.

It was late afternoon, the angle of the sun leaving sunbeams striping Cale's legs as it shone through the blinds, and he just felt kind of chill. Content. Torres had a pair of headphones on and was tooling around on the keyboard, and Ryland was on the phone with his wife, and Cale was just sitting. He hadn't talked about it with them, not the stuff that didn't directly involve them, like how he and Kris promised not to break up the band, but they knew that he'd been going through some stuff. It wasn't a secret.

"So it's better now, right?" said Andrew, and Cale looked at where his and Kris's fingers were just barely clinging to one another, comfortably, looked at the open, easy smile on Kris's face, and he didn't even have to think about the answer. 

It wasn't just about this shift in his life that sort of changed everything, it was about not having to pretend it wasn't happening anymore.

"Yeah," he said. "Yeah. Everything is great."


End file.
